Tag: Who is JR?

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Ramblings of a pregnant girl

Because that’s pretty much how my mind’s working these days, and yes, I still call/think of myself as a girl, even at age 33. Moving on…

So I REALLY can’t believe that Della won’t be my only child in what could be a matter of days. Yes, this pregnancy was planned and not a surprise, but I guess it never dawned on me how much I was going to miss having just her little self running around. I just hope I can be a good mom to both of them when Dv2.0 gets here. I know a newborn needs a lot of time and attention, but there’s no way I’m going to ignore anything about D. I just hope I can handle it.

This time being home with her and not working has been so much more enjoyable than I expected, I can barely stand it. I absolutely love being everything for her all day, even though I’m sure there’s stuff she’s missing out on that they’d be doing at daycare. No, we haven’t done nearly as many art projects as I would have liked or arranged as many play dates or explored more books at the library, but I think she’s still learning and progressing as she should be. She says more and more words each day, she’s excited to see us when she wakes up every morning, she really has had zero major meltdowns, and she’s just so happy. That’s most important and a good sign, right?

It honestly gives me anxiety now when I have to think about going back to work at some point next year. I have been able to do some editing/proofreading work since my job ended this summer which definitely helps to tack onto my severance bundle, and it’s something I would love to continue year-round as a work-at-home gig. Whether or not I could actually build up enough of it to really count as even a part-time second income is the wrench in the plan. I bet I could, but I think I would need 1-2 days of daycare each week back to get big chunks of work done. Especially with 2 kids at home, I’m not sure how well it would work trying to get multiple hours of editing in each day and juggle their demands at the same time.

Speaking of 2 kids, where are the Cliffs notes for how to do that? Before I knew I would be jobless when Dv2.0 came, it was easy – D would be in daycare during the days still, so I could focus all attention on the baby for a couple months. Then when I went back to work they’d both be going to the same place. Simple as pie. Now, I have no idea how I’m going to survive after that first week when I’m home alone with both. D is such a great kid I really don’t think she’ll have a total attitude reversal and turn into a pint-sized terror, but who knows. I just hope the baby is as great and calm as she was. If we get a colicky kid on our hands this time, I may not be so composed as I was with D as a newborn.

I hope D adjusts well to Ryan doing more stuff with/for her when the baby comes, stuff that I mainly do now, simply because I’m here all day with her. Like right now she doesn’t want him to read her bedtime stories anymore, just me. Which is weird, since she’s always loved having both of us do it. I think it may have something to do with the fact that she now likes to pull up my shirt and put her head on my belly when we rock before she goes to sleep so she can be with the baby, but I could be totally wrong. It is super cute, though, how she does that. She always says, “me baby” and just rests her head down there with her arms at my sides. I about die. I hope it’s a good sign that she’ll actually be excited to see and know the baby when he/she arrives instead of feeling any sort of jealousy or resentment.

Like I mentioned in my weekly pregnancy post on Friday, I am now done with my pre-baby to-do list, and that elates me. I have really been worried that we’re just going to be totally unprepared when this kid comes for some reason, but having all the stuff crossed off that bad boy eases my worries a lot. The crib is clean and set up and D’s in her big bed well; the car seat is washed and ready to be installed; we have a bassinet again; the newborn clothes are washed and put away; the newborn diapers are stocked; etc., etc. Now I’m just willing that kid to stay put for a couple more weeks, and we’ll be golden. I just need to remember to keep cherishing these days with just D while I can.

I’m planning to make a couple batches of meals to freeze this week, just another thing to get ready for a house with a newborn again. Lasagna, spaghetti bake, another chicken casserole-type dish. You know, some staples. This is definitely not something I even thought about when D was born, but I figured that since I’m home and should have the time, it’s something I should do, right? How did I get all this stuff accomplished when I was pregnant with D and working full-time? I guess it was a little easier back then because there wasn’t already another kid in the house, but this time should be easier too since we already have all the baby essentials from her.

Hmm… (it’s funny because D now imitates me saying “hmm” all the time, complete with her little finger tapping on her pursed lips) I guess that’s about it for now. The new-baby nerves are in full effect, so it feels good to just get some of this random stuff out of my head. I think the thing making me most nervous this time around is the logistics of it all – when will labor start, what will we do with D if it happens suddenly in the middle of the night (since my water didn’t break last time i don’t know what will happen if it does this time), will she be ok with me having to stay in the hospital a couple nights while she goes home with Daddy, will my mom be able to get up here in time to watch D while we go to the hospital if things do progress during the day again? See, stuff like that. But I know it’ll all work out in the end and we’ll end up a new family of 4.

Wow.

 

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My first. My only, just once more

You are my first, sweet baby girl.

These past two years you’ve been my world.

From the moment we met you, your love filled my heart.

Our lives were for you, right from the start.

Watching you grow and learn and play

has brought joy and laughter to every day.

You’re beautiful, smart, funny, and kind.

I feel so incredibly lucky to know that you’re mine.

No longer a baby, you’re growing so fast.

I know these days of just you and me aren’t going to last.

We rock before bedtime, getting you ready for sleep;

If I could, in my arms I would forever you keep.

But my lap is getting smaller as I nestle you on the side.

Don’t worry, though, peanut, my love for you I’ll never hide.

Tonight you hugged my hand as I laid you in bed,

And I almost started crying as I kissed your little head.

What will it be like when you’re not the only one?

I promise to do all I can to make sure you still have fun.

I know the best big sister you’ll be;

This new little boy or girl is as lucky as can be.

I love you, Della, all the way to my core.

You, my first and my only, just a little while more.

 

 

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Sayonara

Well, today is the day. My last day as a member of the gainfully employed.

Bittersweet? Definitely. I’m beyond sad to be leaving a workplace I loved, but I’m also excited to get to spend time at home with Della. I think these next couple months with just her before the new baby comes will be priceless.

And we already have plans for our first day home together. I should say I’ve made plans for us, she’ll just be along for the ride. Since tomorrow is her birthday, I’m going to take her to the zoo for the first time. I hope she loves it, since she totally digs animals right now. I think 1 or 2 of my girlfriends and their little ones may join us, so D might have a birthday entourage.

And although tomorrow is her actual 2 year birthday, her monthly update post will have to wait a bit. (nothing new there, though) We have her 2 year checkup tomorrow night, so I’ll get her official height/weight stats there to include. Plus during the day we’ll be busy zooing, not blogging, duh.

I sent my farewell email out at work yesterday with tears in my eyes, but they dried pretty quickly. I’ve realized I need to just calm down and enjoy this time off instead of constantly bemoaning the fact that my paychecks have dried up like those tears. This is the time I so craved after D was born. What am I afraid of now?

So hopefully I’ll still be around fairly regularly to keep you all entertained, even though I’ll no longer be sitting in front of 4 computer screens all day. Maybe my eyesight will enjoy this break too, come to think of it. I do owe you a lot of pictures from our recent travels though, plus I’ll still keep you abreast of my weekly pregnancy growth.

And with that I say good-bye, desk at work; hello, summer!

 

 

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The End

2 words. So simple, yet so final.

And my reality in just 1 week’s time.

As of next Wednesday, August 1, I will be unemployed. Yep, that’s right. J-O-B-less.

Unfortunately, I now know what it feels like to be fired. Well, technically terminated, but still. I’m out of a job.

Here’s the scoop…

I work at a hedge fund, and in a nutshell we’ve lost all of our outside investors. I say outside because I think all of the Principals have some of their own money invested, but you can’t really run a business with the employee base we’ve been carrying based solely on funds from the Principals. You need outside dough coming in, and that is one thing we’ve been severely lacking for a couple years now.

So they made the hard decision to close down our main investment funds and return all outside investors’ capital. In plain English, we went broke.

Now here’s the thing. This was no surprise. Those of you who know me well know that we’ve been living through this possible scenario for the past 4 years. Thankfully I survived every round of downsizing and layoffs until the end, so I do take that as a sign of my worth and standing as an employee. This was due to no fault of my own, and the Principals had nothing but praises to sing about my intelligence, work ethic, qualifications, etc., when the hammer finally dropped and I learned my final date. So that makes me feel a little better about everything.

Still, though, it means the end of a paycheck. The end of 401k contributions. The end of 100% employer-paid health insurance and medical benefits. The end of working in an awesome building with a full cafeteria staff who cooked us breakfast and lunch every day. The end of year-end bonuses. The end of working with people who have become good friends over the last almost 8 years. The end of my career?

That last one is probably the one that scares me most. This is the only “real” type of job I’ve held since graduating college – finance. And now, after a decade, I’m out. And I honestly don’t know if I’ll want to get back in when the time comes. I’ll be off at least the rest of this year, for who wants to hire a 6+ months pregnant chick who they know will be off for about 3 months with a baby shortly after she starts work? Yeah that’s what I thought too – no one.

Thankfully everyone is receiving severance packages, including continued health insurance coverage. And they did throw me a bone since I’m knocked up and extended my insurance coverage through the end of January instead of through October like most have been receiving.

I was really hoping to get just a couple more months out of the deal, since people are being let go in waves – July, August, September, and December, with a very small group staying for 1 year to get everything wound down. End of September would have been ideal. But such is not the case. In speaking with the Principals when I was given my final date they did say there’s always the possibility they could start something back up with a pool of their money, in which case I am high on their list of people they’d want back, but I’m not holding my breath on that whatsoever. I’m fairly certain that when I pull out of the garage on July 31, that will be the last time I see most everyone who’s left.

It’s sad. I’m sad. I foresaw myself working there for the rest of my career, however long that was to be. And for as much as it tore me up to send Della to daycare at 5 months old, I actually hate having to take her out now. She talks about her friends there constantly, she loves the teachers, and we love what they do for the kids. I hope I can keep some semblance of a social routine up for her once she’s at home with me full time. I’ve been saving their weekly lesson plans for the past couple weeks for ideas of what to do, and I’m planning on keeping their daily schedule in tact as much as I can at home, but I’m not going to lie. I’m nervous.

I have no idea how to be a stay at home mom anymore. What if she hates being home with me all day? What if I have no idea what to teach her or how to teach her what she would’ve been learning at daycare? What if she drives me crazy? What if I drive her crazy? What if we drive each other crazy and Ryan comes home to find 2 heaps on the floor, dead from all the crazy?

And then there’s the whole issue of a new baby coming in October. Oh yeah, that!! Someone, anyone, please tell me how to simultaneously (and successfully, mind you) take care of a 2 year old and a newborn all day alone. That is probably the part that makes me most frightened. I don’t know how to do it! The other day I was trying to remember what we did with Della and having her go to daycare when she was born, and then I remembered – she WAS the one who was born. DUH!! See, my mind is already partially gone. How am I going to survive the double kid whammy?

So you see, times they are a-changin’ at our house. Whether for better or worse, I have no idea, but it was out of my control. So it’s just happening. Fortunately, with the severance we’ll be ok financially for awhile. Thank god. And I am hoping to pick up a little freelance work between now and when the baby’s born to help tide us over too.

For those who don’t know, I’m an excellent proofreader/editor. Please check out that JEditing button at the very bottom of the page to be taken to my website for a little more info. And if you need any proofreading/editing services, EMAIL ME! I’m not just being egotistical when I say I’m good. I really am.

If I could do proofreading/editing work indefinitely after the baby’s born this fall, that would be ideal. I like it, I’m very good at it, I love finishing a project and knowing I made it correct, and I could do it from home. And if I were to get enough hours doing that, we could always send the kids to daycare once or twice a week so I could get large chunks of time in to work. Ahh, pipe dreams.

So, my friends, my days as a working mom are numbered. Like I said, I have no idea how I’ll be as a stay at home mom now, but I guess we’ll find out in a few days. Wish me luck!

 

 

 

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Off-kilter

Last night while taking D for a walk in the stroller, I realized that I am totally incapable of walking in a straight line.

I know, weird, but true.

For whatever reason, I can’t keep on a straight track, even with a guide to hold onto like the stroller. I constantly veer a little to one side, then back to center, then off-center again. I noticed I did the same thing while jogging with her in the stroller last week, too.

(side note – jogging with a non-jogging stroller sucks. i do not recommend it.)

And I don’t just do it when I’m pushing the stroller. Whenever I go for a run I’m always all over the side walk. Talk about the least efficient route possible. I’ve probably added miles to my runs over the years simply by not being able to keep a straight course.

I wonder why this is. No, it’s not the pregnancy-induced center of gravity shift. My belly isn’t nearly that big yet, fortunately. Plus, like I said, it always happens, pregnant or not.

Anyone else do this, or am I the only off-kilter one in the bunch?

Ah well, as long as I don’t start tripping every time I wander I guess I won’t worry about it. For that would make for some really long and painful walks.

 

 

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It’s kind of a big day around here

Ok, so, hi there. I have so many great things going on today, that I’m kinda at a loss for how to begin. Maybe a list? Let’s give that a shot…

 

#1 –> It’s my birthday today!! Yahoo! Yes, I do still get excited about my birthday, even the really uneventful ones. Like today’s. Although it is Tuesday, the day of the week on which I was born, so that’s fun.

I’m 33.

Hmm, a palindrome, albeit a short one. 3-3. It sounds pretty blah, boring, even old-ish I would say. But I guess that’s all a matter of perspective, really. Like when I was 20, I would’ve thought oh man, 33 is oooold. However, when I’m 70, I’ll think oh man, 33 was so YOUNG. For right now, though, 33 just is.

I don’t really feel like I’m approaching my mid-30s. For the past, well, 11 years I guess it is now, I’ve perpetually felt like I’m 22. Why 22? Who knows. Guess that was a good year. But I still feel like I did right when I left college and Madison. Until we go back for a visit that is, usually for a football game day, and I see all the coeds at the bars now and think, are you kidding me?? There’s no WAY we acted like that when we were here. (although we probably did, ahem)

So we have that happening. Happy Birthday to ME!

 

#2 –> It’s my SITS Day!! Double yahoo! I know at least some of you have never heard that term “SITS” before, so let me give you a brief description, right from the lovely ladies themselves:

SITS = “The Secret to Success is Support”, and it is a most excellent blogging community. When I first started this little hobby called blogging last year, this was one of the first groups I found to try to discover what this world was all about and who was out there.

It’s proven incredible.

They feature bloggers from all around the world, they provide invaluable blog advice and tips, they host conferences and get-togethers across the country, and they’re just an all-around fantastic group of women. When you have a chance, please, go check them out!

For any of you joining me today from SITS, welcome! I’m honored to have you stopping by, so by all means check the place out. You can learn a little more about me personally here, you can noodle through the year-long daily journal I’m in the process of keeping for our daughter here, and you can find some of my favorite posts here.

Thank you all so much for being here, new and old, SITS and non-SITS!

 

All right, so I guess I only had 2 things on that list, but aren’t they 2 very awesome things to have to list?? I’m pretty pumped about them, anyway.