Tag: Rants

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Strength, or insanity?

So we all know how well things were going last week before our trip to Tucson. Well lucky for me, the fun just continued…

As soon as we boarded our flight on the way out, Lana turned into that kid. Screaming, writhing, kicking, flailing, coughing, snotting, you name it. She was utterly out of control. She was on a lap, then seconds later lying in the aisle picking specks of who-knows-what off the floor. At least she was hoarse, so her cries weren’t as ear-piercing as they could have been.

At one point either right before or during takeoff (see, i’m already trying to block the whole episode from memory) she was so fiendish, I literally had to pin her body against me to keep her from hitting everyone and everything around me with her flying limbs. I knew she was completely exhausted from her cold and lack of sleep, so I just held her as tightly to me as possible, which worked. She finally passed out after a few minutes, unfortunately only for about half an hour. Of the 4-hour flight.

I kept apologizing profusely to the people around us, who thankfully were saints. Every single one said not to worry, they all have multiple kids, and even the young girl across the aisle in front of me and Lana engaged her when she toddled up to her arm rest instead of rolling her eyes at me. The man seated in the middle of the row behind me leaned forward during this first outburst and said, “Do NOT apologize.” It brought me to tears, because I was horrified by Lana’s fit and was afraid he was going to yell at me.

And did you notice I said first outburst?

Yeah, it happened again at the end of the flight. You have no idea how relieved we were to get off that damn plane and get her out of there. I almost raided the drink cart for all the tiny liquor bottles I could find. Of course Della was her usual calm, happy self, or else I really would have lost my mind.

Fortunately that was about the worst of the trip, for every day their colds got better, so did Lana’s attitude. Mostly. She still needs to work on her listening skills, but I’ll cut her some slack since she is only 17 months old.

And thank god I almost always had plenty of helping hands close by since Ryan couldn’t go. We traveled both ways with my mom and step-dad; stayed with my sister, brother-in-law, and nephew; and were surrounded by family pretty much all the time. That saying about it taking a village to raise a child? It has never rung more true than on this trip.

I’m afraid I came back more exhausted than when we left and experiencing a return of my cold, though. The constant stream of making sure the little ones always had everything they needed meant I pretty much always came last. Is the diaper bag full – diapers, wipes, changes of clothes, snacks, pj’s, my wallet? Do we have the swim stuff – swim diapers, sunscreen, pool toys, floats, sunglasses, hats? Do we have the eating stuff – bibs, cups, kid spoons, kid forks? Are they bathed and free from the puke that keeps landing on them from their coughing fits?

I honestly barely figured out what to wear to the wedding, just making sure the girls’ outfits were set and they were taken care of first. I’m actually happy with what I wore, though. It was simple and comfortable, which became of utmost importance since I had to stand outside the ceremony the entire time holding Lana, who refused to sit with me from the moment my butt tried to touch a chair when we arrived at the hotel. At least my arms got a workout.

I’m not sure why I’m complaining, though. I guess just to get it off my chest and out of my head. This is my job as a parent, right? They are what’s most important, and especially being the only parent with them halfway across the country I had to be extra alert and prepared. It was just really tiring. Mentally and physically. I often found myself wondering if taking this trip showed I could handle things with them fine, or if it just meant I was certifiably nuts.

Don’t worry – for all this woe-is-me, we did have a lot of fun. The wedding locale was beautiful, my cousin looked stunning, and spending time with my mom’s entire side of the family is something I love. Plus it doesn’t happen all that often, so I’m very happy we got to take advantage. And the girls got to play with their cousin and second cousin, which was so great to watch.

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 angels…

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 …and demons (aw, but isn’t she a cute little dancing demon)

This tale does have a happy ending, thankfully. Both girls were absolute dreams on the flight home, even napping much of the way. So I think it really was the cold raging inside Lana that transformed her into that little demon on the way out. She’s lucky – had there been a repeat performance on the way back, I seriously would have considered getting tranquilizers for her for the flights to and from Hawaii in a few weeks. Well played, little one.

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 the whole fam, minus the bride and groom. they were a little busy.

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To-NOT-Do List

When preparing to fly across the country with 1 small and 1 slightly bigger toddler, here is a list of possible scenarios:

  • Get a head cold.
  • Pass said head cold onto both toddlers.
  • Toddler 1 becomes so snot-filled that she does not sleep for 3 nights and counting.
  • Toddler 2 becomes so snot-filled that she coughs herself to vomiting the night before you plan to go out of town.
  • Toddler 1 blows through a box and a half of Kleenex, making it really difficult to pack a small suitcase with all that tissue needed.
  • Toddler 2 knows to keep a spare Kleenex in her sleeve in case she doesn’t have pockets, but that ends up just stuffing her sleeves with snot-ridden goo balls.
  • Try to pack for all 3 of you while stopping every 14 seconds to wipe Toddler 1’s nose.
  • Figure out into which suitcase the giant bag of medicine that is now needed will fit.
  • Stay sane in your zombie-like state.

Now, guess which of the above applies to me today.

All of them. Hooray!

And Ryan’s not coming.

Thankfully the girls and I are traveling with my mom and step-dad, so that will be an enormous help. And despite the hassle I feel getting ready here, I know it will end up being a wonderful trip. We’re going out to sunny Tucson for one of my cousin’s wedding, and it will be great to get out of this cold-again weather and spend a couple days with family.

But talk about terrible timing for all this shit, as usual.

So wish us safe travels! And sleep.

 

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Polar vortex + Money pit = I hate winter!!

This morning I heard Ryan get up at 5 a.m., go out to the dining room, and start fiddling. Before I even heard him hurdle the baby gate and lumber down to the basement, I knew exactly what was happening.

The furnace died.

Again.

Shit.

I think this is the 3rd time this has happened. I know it’s at least the second, but I honestly can’t remember if there was 1 other time in there or not. But either way, we are heat-less.

This morning’s outside temperature was -2. Our inside temp?

48.

Party time.

Thankfully (if there is a “thankfully” in this situation), since this has happened before, Ryan knew exactly what part needed to be replaced and ordered it right away in the wee hours of this morning. However, today being Friday, I’m sure we won’t get it until at least Monday, as it’s coming from New York.

And tomorrow’s forecast includes snow.

AGAIN!

Man, do I hate that stuff now. Nay, detest it. I’ve said it so many times this winter (because it keeps happening!!), but every time I wake up to freshly fallen snow now, instead of thinking how peaceful and pretty it looks like I used to, I just get instantly angry. Because I know I’m going to have to go shovel that crap yet again, since it’s usually never enough to warrant breaking out the snow blower. Plus I can never get the damn thing started, so there’s that issue, too.

But back to our money pit of a house, it’s cold. We are so blessed to have the most wonderful neighbors, though. We’ve borrowed 3 space heaters to add to our 2, and everyone has said to come on over to their places to warm up and take a load off. I can’t say it enough, but we seriously live on the best block in the world. Hands down.

Thanks to these beautiful people, we are now up to 65 degrees in here! Wahoo!! And fortunately we have plenty of tights, leggings, and layers, so these 2 miniature beautiful people didn’t freeze their tiny buns off today:

Tato' heads

 

And we’re getting a new furnace this summer.

 

 

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The first time of many, I’m sure

Yesterday we went to an annual family Christmas party, and it’s always a great time. Ryan has a really big family, so fun always ensues when everyone gets together. And this year was no different. Except for one thing…

There were 2 little girls there, one of whom was 6 and the other must have been the same age. They were running around together the whole time, having a blast. One of the girls literally wheeled in a suitcase full of toys when she and her family arrived, which she immediately proceeded to dump out on one of the couches.

Well of course Della saw that and made a bee-line for that mountain of dolls, cars, blankets, and other crap. I could tell the little girl was less than pleased that little D came creeping over to play, so I just made sure Della knew that those were not her toys and that she was sharing. All was well.

Later in the afternoon the girl who brought all the toys was running around with a blanket draped over her like a cape, which Della thought was fantastic. D was having the time of her life chasing after the caped girl and the other one; she probably ran a million laps around the place where the party was. I thought oh great, they’re having fun, that’ll keep D entertained for hours.

Well shortly after the blanket adventures began, I glanced over to where D and this girl were, and the girl was chiding D and wagging her finger in D’s face while wearing a very stern expression. Della was sitting on the floor in front of the girl, and the look on her face just made my heart break. It was a mixture of sadness, confusion, and disappointment that this girl with whom she’d been having so much fun was telling her she couldn’t play anymore.

I was so mad. I completely understand that 6 year olds rarely want to play with 2 year olds, but Della was completely harmless. These girls were running around like banshees anyway, so what did they care that D was following them? She couldn’t even keep up with the circles they were all running anyway. Della’s little head would come bobbing around the corner a good half lap behind the other two each time. I just kept thinking how dare she point her finger in my daughter’s face like she’s the boss? As ludicrous as it sounds, I was royally pissed.

After I saw that I couldn’t keep my eyes off the trio. I became obsessed with making sure Della didn’t get her beautiful little spirit crushed again. I kept seeing the pair of older girls go up to Della, then run away, teasing her into chasing them like they wanted her to play. But then they’d go into the bathroom and hide from her.

At one point they happened to walk up next to where I was standing holding Lana, and I heard them saying something about “oh no, there she is” and having to get away from the little girl. I told them to just leave Della alone because she’s only 2 and just wanted to play with them.

Then one time when I went into the bathroom to wash out a water bottle, Della was in there crawling on the floor trying to get under one of the stall doors because the girls were hiding in it. I about barfed seeing her crawl on the bathroom floor, so while washing her hands I made some comment to D like, “oh, are the girls in there?” She said yes and I could hear them giggling, and I said I thought they were hiding from her. She of course didn’t understand what that meant, so I asked them why they were hiding. They said they were hiding from the boys and Della, and I said well Della just wants to play with you guys because she likes you. They said “I know” in unison and just kind of laughed.

I don’t know if my prodding helped, or if they just decided to give up trying to “get away from that little girl”, but from that point on it seemed like they actually didn’t mind having D run around with them as much. At one point the 3 of them were actually sitting on the hearth of the fireplace together, looking at some toy. And of course D wanted to run around the rest of the time with one of her new blankets tied around herself like the other girl had been. Ok fine, if it makes my baby girl happy.

Now before you yell at me for being a crazy, overprotective parent, yes, I know Della had no idea that the girls weren’t playing with her but were trying to get away from her most of the time. She was just thrilled to be seeing other kids and running around. And she probably had no idea what the one girl was even talking about when she had her finger in D’s face. But I did. And I just couldn’t help feeling crushed.

Della and Lana are little pieces of my heart and soul running around outside my body now, and I will always try to protect them. Especially when they’re this young. So knowing that someone was purposely trying to quash Della’s innocent little sparkle and make her have a bad time just killed me. I seriously wanted to cry when I saw D sitting there on the floor, just wanting to play, and having that poor little look on her face while getting pointed at and scolded by a 6 year old little brat. I wanted to simultaneously scoop her up and smother her in hugs and slap the other girl for not including my daughter. (of course not for real slap, geez)

This little episode got me thinking, though. If I feel this bad when my girls get little hurts like this (i should say nonexistent really, since between me and d i was the only one who knew what was going on), what am I going to do when they go through the inevitable big hurts? I won’t always be there monitoring the situations and making sure everyone lets them play.

My greatest wish as a parent is that Ryan and I instill in our children the senses of confidence and compassion and knowing right from wrong. And more than simply knowing right from wrong, having the strength and self-confidence to act right instead of wrong, especially when wrong is the far easier choice. So hopefully when the big hurts come, as I know they unfortunately will, our girls will be able to navigate through them and come out on the other sides relatively unscathed and stronger.

This protecting my heart and soul when it now has its own legs and runs circles around me… Does it ever get any easier?

D

how could you not want to play with this one?

 

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Bad day

I feel like a complete and utter failure. It’s mid-day and I’ve yelled at Della more than once. I’ve put her in bed with no lunch because she refused to do the simplest of tasks and repeatedly screamed “No!” in my face. That obviously didn’t work as she screamed and flailed at me even more, so she finally got her lunch another half hour later after doing what I’d asked her long before. Then she started screaming again as I cleaned her up after lunch when I told her she couldn’t watch tv but had to take her nap. Why? Why so awful?

Lana has been piercing my eardrums with her siren wail all morning. And her simultaneous poopsplosion and 4 wave tsunami barf added one more bath to the to-do list today.

The fact that I still have to unload the dishwasher, finish up the two loads of laundry waiting downstairs, bake, go to the grocery store, and wrap presents does not add to my overall demeanor either. Why? What is it about today that needed to be so bad?

I feel ashamed and unhappy. I hate raising my voice and being mad at my children; that’s not right. But I guess almost 7 weeks with 2 of them was my breaking point. And just when I thought things were going so well and I’d gotten the hang of this motherhood thing.

 

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Well this is no fun

So you know how I mentioned that I’ve developed carpal tunnel syndrome in my right arm these past couple weeks? Yeah, it can kiss my @$*!

Last night it got so bad I finally had to get out of bed at 4am and move onto one of the recliner ends of the couch in the living room. I thought a little elevation in my upper body would help the fluid stop pooling in my wrist/arm/hand. Ha! Apparently that was far too logical a thought to have for this body.

It was a little better for a few minutes, then the pain just started right up again. It was like someone was twisting a knife in the middle of my hand, with the stabbing pain shooting into my fingers and up to my elbow. So that was fun.

Finally, sometime shortly before I needed to get up this morning to take Ryan to work, I put the recliner all the way up so I was in a full sitting position with my legs out, arm still resting on pillows next to me, and that seemed to do the trick. Unfortunately I ended up getting about 3 seconds of sleep in those last 2+ hours of the night.

You’re really preparing me for those middle of the night feedings, aren’t you, kid?

Don’t get me wrong – I have thoroughly enjoyed this pregnancy again and really, REALLY want this baby to stay in there for at least another week (2 would be the best, 10 days would be better, but i’ll settle for a week so we’re back from peoria), but man oh man. This arm thing is miserable.

So if you see me walking around looking like a newborn-mother-zombie already, blame my arm. Or if you see me walking around looking totally well-rested but minus my right hand and forearm, you’ll know I finally had to take some drastic measures to get these last few precious weeks of sleep.

 

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Tear down the wall!

Ryan and I went to see Roger Waters perform “The Wall” at Wrigley Field Friday night, and it was pretty amazing. The stage was enormous, and the wall they constructed covered the entire outfield, from foul pole to foul pole. It was over 3 stories high, and it served as a giant projection screen for much of the show, too.

The wall was seriously incredible.

If you’ve ever seen this production, or even just know the songs from this Pink Floyd double-album, you know “The Wall” is rife with anti-government, anti-politics, anti-establishment overtones. So there were plenty of hammers, a giant fascist pig floating around the stadium at one point, a video tribute to fallen soldiers from all eras projected on the massive wall, a model bomber plane that crashed into the wall in flames, an opening montage of fireworks, and a general f*** the man sentiment throughout the concert.

Doubling as a jumbotron for those not on the field.
They built up the wall during the 1st act - almost complete here.
Hammers and machine guns - pretty typical for this show.
Bring 'em home!

Ryan is a HUGE Pink Floyd fan, and although I’m not nearly as big a fan as he is, I do know most of the songs from the album. In particular though, my favorites from this show were Waters’ duet with himself from a 1980 show singing “Mother”, “Another Brick in the Wall, Part 2” (the one with, “hey, teacher! leave those kids alone!”), and “Comfortably Numb”. You know, all the songs non-Pink Floyd fans know.

I must admit, the huge tribute to all the fallen soldiers was extremely moving, especially since they projected a number of civilians too. It began with his father, who was a British Army pilot shot down in World War II and included a ton of children from today’s conflicts. It literally brought me to tears.

The fallen projected on the completed wall at intermission.

The show ended with the wall coming down amid chants of “Tear down the wall!” as the giant floating pig covered in fascist slogans that I mentioned above was grabbed by the crowd and ripped to shreds. It was a pretty amazing spectacle.

"Tear down the wall!" The show ended with the full band on stage in front of the destroyed wall.

Unfortunately, the awesomeness was marred by one huge lowlight. Our seats were excellent – front row directly behind the Cubs dugout, first 2 seats on the aisle, almost dead center of the stage. Basically as close as you could get to being on the field without paying the extra $100+. But apparently the entire rest of our section had dubbed these as “no standing” seats.

I'm not kidding, our seats were phenomenal.

Now, riddle me this – when have you ever gone to a concert, let alone in an outdoor venue and seeing PINK FLOYD, and not stood at any point in the show? Yeah, me neither. NEVER.

Someone in at least each of the handful of rows behind us at some point yelled at Ryan to sit down. And to his credit, he kept his cool pretty well for almost the entire show. He was extremely accommodating, trying to either sit on the back of his chair so as not to be up so high, seeing if standing in the aisle instead would work (it didn’t), or simply just sitting back down after a minute.

He was even proactive, knowing this was going to get ugly if they didn’t shut up, and asked the usher 1) if we were, in fact, allowed to stand in those seats (of course we were!), and 2) if we could be moved because of all the complaining. The usher was very understanding, told us that we could definitely stand in our seats, came down and even told the people behind us so (too bad that didn’t shut them up), but was unfortunately unable to move us at intermission.

The worst offenders were this group of 3 women directly behind us. They obviously were neither Roger Waters nor Pink Floyd fans, and had to look the band up on Google on their phones at intermission. Huh?? Why are you sitting in such great seats then? At one point, the chick in the middle reached around and shined the camera flash on her phone right in Ryan’s face. WHO DOES THAT??

Finally with about 10 minutes left in the show we simply left our seats. We moved over about 2 sections, where EVERYONE was standing, and watched the remainder from there, in seats not nearly as good as the ones FOR WHICH WE PAID. As we were walking up the aisle to move, the crowd of course thought we were being kicked out and shouted at us to “enjoy the rest of the show you asshole”, and one guy from a few rows back even threw his beer at Ryan. WHAT?!?!?

Sorry for all the caps, but my god, people. How about some maturity? You are grown-ass men! And yes, I know Ryan was finally shouting back at the end, but come on. I can’t disagree with him at all – we were in no way in the wrong, we had to stand to see the stage over the crowd of people on the field, and we weren’t even standing the whole time, only during the climactic songs when Waters urged the crowd to get into it himself.

You know I hate confrontation, so my route was to simply ignore the heckling, and it seemed to work. No one said anything to me directly. Granted, I never once turned around to look at who the heckler was or said one word back to anybody, and I did try to keep Ryan from doing so. But finally he’d had enough and I couldn’t do anything about it. I saw neither the phone flash nor beer being thrown since I was trying to be as oblivious as possible and simply watch the show, and maybe it’s better that I missed those antics. I think I would’ve flipped out on those douchebags if I had witnessed such childish, ridiculous behavior. As the only 100% sober person there, I can say without bias that everyone was just being stupid.

We did get to see the end of the show from the other seats and didn’t have to miss anything, but still. Talk about a horrible way to end an otherwise spectacular concert. I felt particularly bad for Ryan since I knew how much he was looking forward to this and Pink Floyd is his all-time favorite band, but fortunately he said it didn’t ruin his entire weekend, just that little piece of the show. Overall he was still definitely glad we went. Good.

So sorry Wrigley fans, but your concertgoers are some of the worst, most obnoxious people I’ve ever been around. This experience has definitely soured me on ever going back there. At least the rest of the weekend was fantastic – we spent the remainder at my mom and stepdad’s house, enjoyed some delicious smoked pork from the inaugural run of their new smoker/grill, soaked up as much sun as we could stand before it got too hot, and watched Della run around playing with everything in sight.

Della LOVED her Cookie Monster ice cream from the Plush Horse! And her new Elmo flip-flops.

Summer is here, my friends. And I say bring it on! Just not at Wrigley!