Everyone uses the hashtag #thisis40, but that’s not right for me. I turn 40 today, but it’s not just “this is 40.” This is MY 40. A number I’ve been dreading, but then again, age is just a number, isn’t it?
40 sounds both ancient and anew at the same time. When you’re young, 40 seems so old. Over the hill… It’s all downhill from here… Old as dirt… The clichés are just so wonderful. And when I was 20, 40 seemed like it was light years away. Yet here I am already. But when you’re 90, 40 has to sound young. I would think so, anyway. Hopefully I’ll be able to know in 50 years.
As of today, though, 40 is good. Feels no different than any other age so far. 
I’ve never envisioned life at 40, what I’d be doing at 40, how I’d feel at 40. I have always hated the question “Where do you see yourself in X years?” Or “Where do you want to be when you’re XX years old?” Why do people always ask that? I have never ever been one to look that far ahead in life, no matter the scenario. I mean yes, in a very general sense like savings in the bank, a roof over my head, etc. But not specifics. Ever. Like when you’re on a job interview you’re obviously supposed to say, “Oh, I see myself running the company in 5 years.” Or something equally as ass-kissing as that. A real go-getter. Ambitious. The corporate ladder climber. Whatever. My answer to myself has always been “I want to be happy.”
And I am happier than I’ve ever been. Ergo, I’d say 40 is off to a smashing success.
Let’s review why:
Many people my age are either currently working their dream job, still chasing it, or stuck in one that is far from it. I already had mine, worked that field for a decade, and crushed it. Not that many people can say they went directly to work on Wall St. from undergrad college, no graduate school whatsoever. And not only that, but that the investment bank for which they worked targeted them directly at school; they didn’t apply for a single thing. I can. Then when that part of the decade was over, I found the exact job I’d been wanting since school right here in Milwaukee. I worked there as long as I possibly could, until they shut their doors for good.
And I’ve been home with our kids ever since. From the moment Della was born, something inside me clicked, and all I ever wanted was to be able to stay home with her. I never wanted to go back to work, when I fully expected to be ready to return to my desk after maternity leave. I lost my job when I was 7 months pregnant with Lana, and that dream came true. Definitely not in the way we’d ever hoped, since losing a nice big salary was pretty alarming, but we’ve made it work. And added 3 more kids along the way…
Speaking of home, we’ve been wise enough with our finances to be able to pay this one off fully. That, in turn, allowed us to buy the one next door when it came up for sale, and we are now landlords. I never saw that one coming, either. Life is certainly full of surprises.
Speaking of home again, I recently taught myself how to patch drywall, fixed a rip on one of our bathroom walls, then repainted the whole bathroom. I also took a big anchor out of a wall in another room and filled and painted over that hole, too. Very minor tasks, yes, but at least now I feel like I can actually help a little bit with the never-ending scroll of a to-do list that constantly envelops our house. I also scrubbed every inch of our kitchen floor with baking soda and peroxide to clean off the 8 years of dirt and grime that had thoroughly soaked into every nook and cranny so we can seal the entire thing, and I nailed down a whole section of siding along our kitchen that has been flapping in the wind for years. Picture me patting myself on the back here.
I have a husband who started as my best friend in the world. He lived out east with me for one of the years I was there, and we’ve experienced some of the most fun, best days of my life together. And now we’ve been married for over 13 years.
We have 5 amazing children. Kind, creative, smart, loving, hilarious children. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever see myself having this many kids, but here we are. And it’s not nearly as terrifying as I thought it would be when I was pregnant with the twins. The big 3 are incredible older siblings, and the twins are the funniest little nutballs ever. It gets loud around here, but it’s also full of love and laughter. Two big keys to happiness.
I have the most wonderful group of friends ever. And not just one group, but multiple groups. One giant mixture of different, fun, simply fantastic people. I realized just how lucky I am to have all these people in my life this past weekend, when Ryan somehow completely surprised me and gathered so many of them together to celebrate my birthday with us. It was truly one of the best nights of my life, and I don’t think I’ll stop smiling from it for a very long time.
I have my health, and so does our family. Please, universe, don’t curse me for putting this out there, because I know how incredibly fortunate we are with this. Sure, each of us has had strep throat or an ear infection these past couple months and right now half the kids can’t stop coughing, but that’s nothing we can’t handle. Big picture, we’re all doing a-ok. I can still exercise, which has always been important to me, and, after 5 kids, my abs can still do this. Superficial? Yes, but something I thought for sure was gone when I heard I’d be carrying 2 babies in there at once. This body has served me very well. I hope I can keep it in shape and running just as well for the next 40+ years!
So yeah, I guess age is just a number. My 20s were for working, being selfishly young, and having fun wherever and whenever we wanted; my 30s were for starting and completing our family; now my 40s and beyond will be for raising this family and enjoying every second life has to offer. 40 has always sounded frightening, probably because it sounds so grown up and I still don’t always fully feel like a grownup. But now that I’m here, it actually is just another day. A really, really good day.
I had to take a “last night of 30s” picture last night – it’s so lovely. Please notice not only my awesome winter pj’s that I’m still wearing in the heart of spring but also that the kids have given me their cold for my birthday. Sharing is caring. Also, I clearly prefer our bathroom for staging selfies. I’m really just showing off my newly painted walls. And I dug up a picture from my 30th birthday for a comparison with my head shot from today, 10 years and 5 kids later. The first 30th one’s blurry, so I threw in the one of me and Ryan, too. Happy birthday to me!
