Tag: Life as I know it

Life as I know it…

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You must be joking

I am sick… again. And I swear to all things holy, if this run of sickness continues much longer, I’m going to flip my shit. In the past 6 weeks, I have had the stomach flu twice (TWICE!) and a cold for pretty much every day in between the puke fests. What gives?? When am I going to get and stay healthy again? D has had a cold since she started daycare at the start of the year, but I can’t believe that is what keeps plaguing me. Hers is just a little one, too – runny nose, some coughing, but nothing major. Fortunately her sunny little disposition hasn’t been affected by it either, so it can’t be that serious. Even our pediatrician said that’s very typical for kids in daycare, which I knew as soon as she started.

Plus I can’t take any of the super-whammy meds like NyQuil or DayQuil to knock these things out since I’m still breastfeeding D. The first time I got sick I actually called the doctor to see what is approved while nursing, and it’s basically nothing. So suffer I must. Oh, and Mother Nature? You’re not helping either, thankyouverymuch. This disgusting weather of rain/snow mixes and temps in the 30s is obnoxious. Bring on Spring already, or else you and I are going to box. I may be sick, but Momma Said Knock You Out!!

So yet again, breakfast today consists of the following…

+ = Cold remedy cocktail

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My two cents

For those of you who know me well, you know I hate – no, HATE – discussing politics. They are just conversations that don’t end well. I rarely see a debate between people of opposing views turn into anything more than a verbal vomit session. Throw in the name-calling that often ensues (especially when alcohol has been consumed prior to said debate), and it’s just a recipe for disaster. I basically hate debate itself, so there you go. Another reason I like to just stay out of those topics all together.

I’m also a very un-political person, if that word exists. I try to keep up on current affairs and all, but honestly, it’s just not something I feel that passionately about. Yes, I cherish my right to vote and keep abreast of candidates’ platforms when the time comes, and I like to know what’s going on around me and whether or not the masses are teetering on erupting due to the political upheaval story of the day, but I will be the last person to engage you in a spirited convo on how the housing market meltdown has ripped the faces off so many people or how the government continues to keep the Man down. It’s just not my style, never has been, and most likely never will be.

All that said, however, what has been going on in Madison for the past 3 weeks has really sparked my curiosity and interest. No matter which side you’re on, I just think the rallies and protests surrounding our state’s capitol building are intriguing. “Well that’s great, SM,” you may be thinking, “but fess up. Which side are you on, hmm??” Ok, I’ll expose my semi-political bent just this once, but don’t get used to it! I do not agree with Gov. Walker. There, I said it, flame away. I understand the great Badger State is running a dandy deficit and a balanced budget is necessary, but I just don’t see how limiting collective bargaining rights is the answer. The public-sector unions have already conceded that they would agree to pension contribution and health care benefit cost increases, so why Walker and the Republicans refuse to budge on the bargaining aspect is beyond me. I know there are countless more facets to the issues causing the stalemate in Madison and how dare I try to simplify the whole thing to such an extent, but if I were to get into all that now this post might never end. So there you have it, my brief, cut-and-dry opinion; take it or leave it. See, I told you I hate debate. 😉

One more thing… Something that did really bother me about the protests in Madison is when they were compared to what’s happening in the MENA region of the world. Seriously, people. Yes, there have been tens of thousands of protesters marching on our Capitol, but no one is giving their life here. Countries such as Egypt, Libya, and Saudi Arabia are enduring civil wars, air strikes, rebel regimes, “Days of Rage”, essentially political and governmental chaos. So far, thankfully, the events in Madison have remained peaceful and under control. So please, for the love of god, don’t even try to equate the two. You just sound dumb, and ignorance is contagious.

There it is, my two cents. These posts will be few and far between, but I just wanted to get that one out because it’s one political topic I actually have been following. Like I said, I prefer to avoid conflict and arguments (which is into what “debates” tend to spiral, I’ve noticed) in general, but especially on such heated topics as politics. I am much more content to sit back and watch everyone else hash it out, interjecting only when necessary. I will leave you with one parting shot, though. A few weekends ago when we were in the Madison area, I received nothing but compliments on this sticker I was sporting:

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Ahh…

I love days like this – lazy weekend days. No work, no plans, nothing to do but lounge around. Since the weather is still shit, there is no desire to get out and do anything, so I have a feeling the door will remain closed and locked all day. And there is about a 100% chance that I will stay in my pajamas all day. Don’t hate.

The mouth-watering scents of R’s dinner preparations are drifting out from the kitchen, filling the house with a delicious warmth. Mmm… I think I’ll catch up on some magazines, throw in a nap, maybe watch a movie since Sunday afternoon tv usually leaves much to be desired, tune into the Badger basketball game when it comes on later, and play with this:

D was doing a little blogging of her own this morning. 🙂 Life is good.

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“Cloudy skies today…

…then crap.”

That was the word-for-word weather forecast on the radio this morning. Finally, they’re 100% accurate! Our weather sucks right now. We’re so close to Spring I can taste it, yet Mother Nature is apparently in a funk and has decided to unleash her bitchiness on us. I hated this winter before it even started, and it certainly has lived up to expectations. Single digit cold stretches, minimal sunshine, throw in a couple blizzards, the works. When will it end this year? I’d even be happy with 40s right now. Sad, isn’t it?

Ah, I just love the smell of pasty legs and dirty black snow in the morning. Doesn’t everyone?

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Balancing act

As you know, I’m a full-time working mommy. D turned 7 months old yesterday, and I have been back to work since she was just over 3 months. So I’m pretty used to the routine by now.

I was very fortunate, too, because my husband (from now on referred to as R, because it’s easy and I’m lazy :)) was able to take almost 2 months of parental leave when I went back to work so we didn’t have to send D to daycare until she was 5 months old.

Knowing she was home with Daddy made my transition back to the grind MUCH easier than if I had to ship her right off to strangers on the same day I had to return to face my office all hormonal and miserable since my baby had just been ripped from my arms. Well she obviously hadn’t been, but that’s what it felt like. Or would have, had I had to take her to daycare right away. But I digress…

Lately a battle has begun brewing inside me. And no, it’s not that ice cream from last night that caused the hellish dream.

Before I went back to work I wracked my brain trying to think of any way possible to stay home with D. R even conceded that if I could figure out something that would just cover our house payment I could be the stay-at-home parent. Alas, I failed, so back at my desk I sit each day.

Things have been going well too – we’re very happy with our daycare, D loves seeing the teachers, and I no longer feel like I’m about to melt into a puddle of tears each time we drop her off. In fact, we leave smiling every morning because D is so enthusiastic and ready to start the day.

However, I’ve been getting increasingly restless at work. Certain things have been a little off ever since I returned, and I’m just sick of feeling like I’m in a constant struggle. I have worked at this job long enough that everyone knows I’m good at what I do, or else I wouldn’t still be there. So this nagging suspicion that I’m slowly trying to be discredited or even eventually replaced is getting quite annoying. I have been assured numerous times that this is not the case at all, but you know when you get a feeling that you just can’t shake?

That’s where I am right now. How long do I want to stay where I’m uncomfortable? And if I am just being silly and my role is not in jeopardy at all, what has to give before I finally am convinced once and for all? It’s hard because some days are great, and I leave work feeling like all is right in the world. Then the next day I’m right back down in this rut. It gets pretty exhausting.

Another massive roadblock – the paycheck. Yes, it’s nice to have and necessary to continue living where we do currently. But I learned a long time ago that money definitely is not everything.

That’s another thing about my job. I have worked in this field for about a decade now with a short break thrown in for some much-needed and fully-enjoyed play time, and the whole time I have been surrounded by people whose lifeblood consists of how much money they are making, losing, and moving around. That’s just not how I’m wired. I do what needs to be done from the time I walk in the office door until the time I leave, and I do it really well, but when I go home, I go home.

I am a firm believer in leaving work at the office so I can spend time with my family, so when I get the impression that that is frowned upon, I get frustrated.

Without my paycheck though, we’d have to do some serious tweaking of our budget and lifestyle. That part wouldn’t be all that hard – we’re not ballers or wasteful spenders and we already have some good savings underway. But basically all extracurricular activities would have to cease, which I think we would miss more than we realize right now.

I also constantly wonder what effect this choice will have on D.

Will she grow up resenting me for not staying home and spending this precious time with her, or will she respect me for helping R provide for our family so she and any future siblings hopefully don’t have to want for much?

I hate that I have to miss so many hours with her every workday. How many milestones are her daycare teachers getting to witness that I’m missing? I still haven’t seen her roll over yet. But in all honesty, I’m not sure she even does roll; I think she just likes to wiggle around on her stomach until someone pushes a toy within her reach because she’s so cute. 🙂

On the flip side, picking her up each afternoon is wonderful – seeing her face light up when she sees me walk into her room washes away any negativity that may be leftover from work.

Then there are days, too, when I question whether I’d even be a good SAHM. Daycare sends lesson plans home each week for D’s room, and there are activities on there that I know I probably wouldn’t get a chance to do with her each day. How many days would I actually find time to read books, sing songs, play numerous games with multiple toys, finger paint, play with snow, make art projects, and on and on and on? If I’m brutally honest with myself, probably not nearly as many as they do at daycare, which is every day.

So there’s that aspect too. Could I do it right even if I had the opportunity?

So you see, the balancing act between mommy and career girl is tricky and tends to give me fits.

Am I doing a good job? Am I doing a bad job? D seems happy, so I hope I’m doing a good job, but then again, she’s only 7 months old – I could put a dirty rag over my head, pull it off, and shout “Peekaboo!” and she’ll be happy, so that really has no reflection yet on these major life choices I’m making.

I do take solace in the fact that R and I are having fun starting our little family, and our house is full of love, so hopefully that’s a good sign. I just wonder how long I’ll have to walk this tightrope…. I hope I don’t fall off!