Category: Me Myself & I

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6 weeks

Lana turned 6 weeks old yesterday, and I thought I’d give you a peek into how I’m doing 6 weeks postpartum.

  • Weight:  Down 30 lbs. so far. I started at 149.5, gained 36 lbs. to 185.5, and was back down to 155.5 yesterday morning. So 6 more lbs. to go until I reach my prepregnancy weight. I’m in no rush. It’ll come off when it comes off. So far I think breastfeeding has been responsible for 100% of the weight loss.
  • Activity:  I haven’t gotten back to any sort of formal exercise. I’ve taken the girls on a couple walks with Della in the stroller and Lana in a carrier, but unfortunately it’s a colder season than when D was born when I was able to take her on a good hour walk almost every day. My walking speed has gotten back to normal, though. The first walk we took 5 days after Lana was born was slightly excruciating. I forgot how slowly I had to go. But now everything is fine and I can cruise as before. I did try to rake the front yard really quickly last week before the leaf truck came, and I was definitely more tired/weak than I expected to be by the end of that. My cardio endurance is obviously not back in shape. Fortunately I think my ability to go to the gym once a week with my trainer until almost the very end of this pregnancy helped me keep strength up better than I did when I was pregnant with D, because muscle-wise I feel a lot stronger than I did after she was born.
  • Sleep:  Lana is creeping closer to only waking up once a night, which helps me a ton. On her long sleep nights she’ll go to bed around 9:30, sleep until 4-4:30, then sleep again until 7-8 usually. That is much better than waking at 2ish and 5ish, as she had been doing once she dropped that 11ish wake up as well. She still does have 2 wake up nights, but thankfully they are becoming fewer and farther between. I just need to work on going to bed when she does instead of staying up an hour or two later. That time at night when they’re both asleep and silent is just so nice, though… And fortunately my carpal tunnel syndrome is gone, so I don’t wake up in misery and have to shake my arms out anymore. The night time pain disappeared almost immediately after delivery, but the weird nerve twinges and numbness lasted for a couple weeks. I’ve just noticed recently that those seem to finally be gone as well.
  • Sanity:  Not too bad. Once I survived the first week at home alone with the 2 of them, I felt much more confident in my ability to keep all of us alive. Each day gets a little easier, too, as I get more and more used to this routine. It sucks that the weather will be cold soon though, since D won’t be able to get outside to play. Not that we’re outdoors running around for hours on end each day or anything, but when it’s nice I try to take them on a walk to the store or to the park or play outside with her in her playhouse or just let her run around the yard for a while. Hopefully I don’t go stir crazy this winter when we’re cooped up inside constantly. I’m terrible with arts and crafts, too, so I need to work on filling our mornings with some sort of activity so she doesn’t just plop down in front of the TV or computer.

So that’s about it. We’re all still alive, clothed, and fed, so I’m calling that a win. I haven’t totally lost my shit yet either, which is encouraging since we’re potty training D right now too and L doesn’t like to be put down. So she just spends a lot of time in the bathroom with us.

I don’t have my official 6 week checkup for another almost week and a half, but I don’t think she’ll find any complications or anything. The bleeding and general goo exodus ended at 5 weeks, just as it did after D, and I’ve felt really good since Lana checked out of the womb hotel.

And I know how much you miss looking at my belly, so here’s a triple comparison shot. Left is the first pregnancy picture I took this time (4 weeks and change i think), middle is the day before L was born (39 weeks exactly), and right is me yesterday (6 weeks postpartum, same pants as the 1st pic for comparison). Enjoy!

 

 

 

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Looking back

I meant to write this post before Lana was born while I was still pregnant, but, oops.

I basically just wanted to take a minute to look back on this pregnancy and remind myself how it compared to my first one:

  • Symptoms were a little different, appeared sooner, and seemed to be more pronounced.
    • I really had no morning sickness with Della, whereas this time I was plagued for a good 2 months. Fortunately I only barfed 1 night (all night long, ugh), but that horrible nausea stayed with me for a solid 8 weeks, from about week 6 to week 14-15.
    • I did get sick during the early weeks of both pregnancies. With D I got just a really bad cold with a cough that wouldn’t quit. This time I again got what I thought was a horrible cold/cough combo, but it turned out to be an upper respiratory infection. Then the penicillin they put me on exacerbated the nausea. Hoo boy, that was fun.
    • My sensitivity to certain scents wasn’t nearly as severe this time as it was with D. There are honestly some things that I smelled during my 1st pregnancy that made my stomach turn so terribly that I still can’t stand smelling them to this day. I experienced a little of that this time around, but not nearly as badly as with D.
    • My sacro-iliac joint pain cropped up early on in this pregnancy with a vengeance, while I really only remember being bothered by it during my 3rd trimester with D.
    • I had that horrible carpal tunnel syndrome this time, mainly in the last 2 months, where I never had it with D. I do think it helped prepare me for this newborn stage again, though, since I was pretty much used to not sleeping by the time L was born.
    • All the other all over aches and pains just seemed a little worse this time – I felt more tired by the end, my body felt more sore by the end, etc.
  • My 2nd trimesters were almost identical, though. Felt great, pains weren’t too terrible yet, decent energy, plus it was summer so we were out and about a lot just enjoying the days and nights.
  • My weight gain seemed different this time, too. I gained 33 lbs. with D, and I gained 36 lbs. with L. In looking back at the pictures, I think I gained it more all over with D, whereas this time it seemed to really go mainly to my belly. My face, arms, and butt all looked much fuller/bigger when I was pregnant the first time than they did this time. Why, I have no idea, especially since I gained a couple more pounds this time.
  • I didn’t focus nearly as much this time on “being pregnant” as I did with D. That’s due to the obvious fact that we had a toddler to focus on, so pregnancy wasn’t as new, unknown, and front and center as it was the first time. That’s not saying we didn’t care that I was pregnant this time, it just didn’t seem to have the “wow factor” that it did with D. Yes, I did the weekly pictures, kept track of milestones, stuff like that, but most of the time I was just focused on normal daily life with Ryan and D. Plus losing my job and transitioning to being home was in there this time too, so I think I just had a lot more on my mind period.
  • I was able to exercise almost the entire pregnancy this time, whereas last time I was put on a no exercise restriction for 6 weeks around 4 months in, then never really picked back up after that was over. This time I think I did my last workout at the gym with my trainer around 36.5 weeks pregnant. I really think it helped me with recovery, just having that little bit of exercise each week to keep my body moving.
  • I don’t think we were nearly as anxious about having a baby this time as we were last time. I remember before D was born I had all the nursery stuff set up super early, baby clothes that we had washed and in the drawers, all the extras in place and ready to go, stuff printed out from the online birthing class I did to get ready for labor, all this extra crap that we never even touched in the hospital bag, etc. This time we were obviously nervous about just the whole unknown of when labor was going to happen and how it was going to be adding another little person to our family, but the day-to-day stuff was a no brainer. Nursery furniture? It’s pretty much all there and the same stuff, we just moved the crib into our room when we got D a big bed. Baby clothes? No sweat – I brought what newborn and gender neutral stuff we had down from the attic, washed it again, and made room for it in D’s dressers. Diapers/wipes/necessities? I just added some smaller sizes to our monthly Amazon delivery – easy peasy. It just didn’t seem as scary. We’re having another baby – excellent. Not OH MY GOD WE’RE HAVING ANOTHER BABY!!!!

I think those were the main things I had in mind. Will there be a 3rd pregnancy to compare/contrast someday? Who knows. We’re not there yet – let’s make sure #2 survives first.

 

 

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Ramblings of a pregnant girl

Because that’s pretty much how my mind’s working these days, and yes, I still call/think of myself as a girl, even at age 33. Moving on…

So I REALLY can’t believe that Della won’t be my only child in what could be a matter of days. Yes, this pregnancy was planned and not a surprise, but I guess it never dawned on me how much I was going to miss having just her little self running around. I just hope I can be a good mom to both of them when Dv2.0 gets here. I know a newborn needs a lot of time and attention, but there’s no way I’m going to ignore anything about D. I just hope I can handle it.

This time being home with her and not working has been so much more enjoyable than I expected, I can barely stand it. I absolutely love being everything for her all day, even though I’m sure there’s stuff she’s missing out on that they’d be doing at daycare. No, we haven’t done nearly as many art projects as I would have liked or arranged as many play dates or explored more books at the library, but I think she’s still learning and progressing as she should be. She says more and more words each day, she’s excited to see us when she wakes up every morning, she really has had zero major meltdowns, and she’s just so happy. That’s most important and a good sign, right?

It honestly gives me anxiety now when I have to think about going back to work at some point next year. I have been able to do some editing/proofreading work since my job ended this summer which definitely helps to tack onto my severance bundle, and it’s something I would love to continue year-round as a work-at-home gig. Whether or not I could actually build up enough of it to really count as even a part-time second income is the wrench in the plan. I bet I could, but I think I would need 1-2 days of daycare each week back to get big chunks of work done. Especially with 2 kids at home, I’m not sure how well it would work trying to get multiple hours of editing in each day and juggle their demands at the same time.

Speaking of 2 kids, where are the Cliffs notes for how to do that? Before I knew I would be jobless when Dv2.0 came, it was easy – D would be in daycare during the days still, so I could focus all attention on the baby for a couple months. Then when I went back to work they’d both be going to the same place. Simple as pie. Now, I have no idea how I’m going to survive after that first week when I’m home alone with both. D is such a great kid I really don’t think she’ll have a total attitude reversal and turn into a pint-sized terror, but who knows. I just hope the baby is as great and calm as she was. If we get a colicky kid on our hands this time, I may not be so composed as I was with D as a newborn.

I hope D adjusts well to Ryan doing more stuff with/for her when the baby comes, stuff that I mainly do now, simply because I’m here all day with her. Like right now she doesn’t want him to read her bedtime stories anymore, just me. Which is weird, since she’s always loved having both of us do it. I think it may have something to do with the fact that she now likes to pull up my shirt and put her head on my belly when we rock before she goes to sleep so she can be with the baby, but I could be totally wrong. It is super cute, though, how she does that. She always says, “me baby” and just rests her head down there with her arms at my sides. I about die. I hope it’s a good sign that she’ll actually be excited to see and know the baby when he/she arrives instead of feeling any sort of jealousy or resentment.

Like I mentioned in my weekly pregnancy post on Friday, I am now done with my pre-baby to-do list, and that elates me. I have really been worried that we’re just going to be totally unprepared when this kid comes for some reason, but having all the stuff crossed off that bad boy eases my worries a lot. The crib is clean and set up and D’s in her big bed well; the car seat is washed and ready to be installed; we have a bassinet again; the newborn clothes are washed and put away; the newborn diapers are stocked; etc., etc. Now I’m just willing that kid to stay put for a couple more weeks, and we’ll be golden. I just need to remember to keep cherishing these days with just D while I can.

I’m planning to make a couple batches of meals to freeze this week, just another thing to get ready for a house with a newborn again. Lasagna, spaghetti bake, another chicken casserole-type dish. You know, some staples. This is definitely not something I even thought about when D was born, but I figured that since I’m home and should have the time, it’s something I should do, right? How did I get all this stuff accomplished when I was pregnant with D and working full-time? I guess it was a little easier back then because there wasn’t already another kid in the house, but this time should be easier too since we already have all the baby essentials from her.

Hmm… (it’s funny because D now imitates me saying “hmm” all the time, complete with her little finger tapping on her pursed lips) I guess that’s about it for now. The new-baby nerves are in full effect, so it feels good to just get some of this random stuff out of my head. I think the thing making me most nervous this time around is the logistics of it all – when will labor start, what will we do with D if it happens suddenly in the middle of the night (since my water didn’t break last time i don’t know what will happen if it does this time), will she be ok with me having to stay in the hospital a couple nights while she goes home with Daddy, will my mom be able to get up here in time to watch D while we go to the hospital if things do progress during the day again? See, stuff like that. But I know it’ll all work out in the end and we’ll end up a new family of 4.

Wow.

 

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Oh, hi

Hi guys. Yes, we got back from vacation last weekend, and no, I haven’t been on here since. So sorry.

I’m realizing just how much I have to do in these next couple weeks before Dv2.0 comes, so that has now become my main focus. I’ll still be on here every once in awhile, though, so have no fear.

I will have a ton of vacation pictures to share once we sort through all of those. We did leave one of our cameras up in Canada, however, so I just need to wait until we get that back from my sister before I can get through those. We got some good ones, though, so I think you’ll like seeing them.

D is getting so big! She had an amazing time on the island in Canada, and it’s simply mind-boggling how different this visit was from last year’s. Last year she was just a little baby, only 11 months old. This year, at 25 months, she owned the place. She ran all over the island (with life jacket on, of course), up and down all the stairs, playing with all our family and the dog, and loving the lake and boats. It was so fun to watch, and I can’t wait to take her back each year and watch her grow to love it more and more.

We’re going to get her a twin bed this weekend, so that will be a change for her. She slept in one the whole week in Canada and did great, so hopefully she’ll transition ok here as well. We need to get the crib moved into our room for the baby, and I want her completely comfortable in a big bed before #2 is here. And right now she’s using the paint app on my iPhone. It seriously blows my mind how much this kid knows.

And of course there will be my weekly pregnancy posts until Dv2.0 arrives. I’m now 33.5 weeks, which scares the crap out of me. I made a pre-baby to-do list this week, and it takes up an entire page! Yesterday I did start in on it, though, getting out the most neutral of the baby clothes and getting them washed and put away, so there’s one thing I can cross off. I had my latest doctor appointment yesterday and got the pre-registration forms for labor and delivery, so yeah, it’s definitely starting to feel more real. I just hope we can get enough crossed off our lists before he/she gets here!

So bear with me, please. I apologize if I’m sporadic in my posting and such, but rest assured I have not forgotten about any of you. I can’t wait to catch up on my reader feed, too. I’m sure I have about a million unread blog posts in there, so that’ll take awhile. But I’ll get there. I hope you’re all doing well!

 

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Sayonara

Well, today is the day. My last day as a member of the gainfully employed.

Bittersweet? Definitely. I’m beyond sad to be leaving a workplace I loved, but I’m also excited to get to spend time at home with Della. I think these next couple months with just her before the new baby comes will be priceless.

And we already have plans for our first day home together. I should say I’ve made plans for us, she’ll just be along for the ride. Since tomorrow is her birthday, I’m going to take her to the zoo for the first time. I hope she loves it, since she totally digs animals right now. I think 1 or 2 of my girlfriends and their little ones may join us, so D might have a birthday entourage.

And although tomorrow is her actual 2 year birthday, her monthly update post will have to wait a bit. (nothing new there, though) We have her 2 year checkup tomorrow night, so I’ll get her official height/weight stats there to include. Plus during the day we’ll be busy zooing, not blogging, duh.

I sent my farewell email out at work yesterday with tears in my eyes, but they dried pretty quickly. I’ve realized I need to just calm down and enjoy this time off instead of constantly bemoaning the fact that my paychecks have dried up like those tears. This is the time I so craved after D was born. What am I afraid of now?

So hopefully I’ll still be around fairly regularly to keep you all entertained, even though I’ll no longer be sitting in front of 4 computer screens all day. Maybe my eyesight will enjoy this break too, come to think of it. I do owe you a lot of pictures from our recent travels though, plus I’ll still keep you abreast of my weekly pregnancy growth.

And with that I say good-bye, desk at work; hello, summer!

 

 

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The End

2 words. So simple, yet so final.

And my reality in just 1 week’s time.

As of next Wednesday, August 1, I will be unemployed. Yep, that’s right. J-O-B-less.

Unfortunately, I now know what it feels like to be fired. Well, technically terminated, but still. I’m out of a job.

Here’s the scoop…

I work at a hedge fund, and in a nutshell we’ve lost all of our outside investors. I say outside because I think all of the Principals have some of their own money invested, but you can’t really run a business with the employee base we’ve been carrying based solely on funds from the Principals. You need outside dough coming in, and that is one thing we’ve been severely lacking for a couple years now.

So they made the hard decision to close down our main investment funds and return all outside investors’ capital. In plain English, we went broke.

Now here’s the thing. This was no surprise. Those of you who know me well know that we’ve been living through this possible scenario for the past 4 years. Thankfully I survived every round of downsizing and layoffs until the end, so I do take that as a sign of my worth and standing as an employee. This was due to no fault of my own, and the Principals had nothing but praises to sing about my intelligence, work ethic, qualifications, etc., when the hammer finally dropped and I learned my final date. So that makes me feel a little better about everything.

Still, though, it means the end of a paycheck. The end of 401k contributions. The end of 100% employer-paid health insurance and medical benefits. The end of working in an awesome building with a full cafeteria staff who cooked us breakfast and lunch every day. The end of year-end bonuses. The end of working with people who have become good friends over the last almost 8 years. The end of my career?

That last one is probably the one that scares me most. This is the only “real” type of job I’ve held since graduating college – finance. And now, after a decade, I’m out. And I honestly don’t know if I’ll want to get back in when the time comes. I’ll be off at least the rest of this year, for who wants to hire a 6+ months pregnant chick who they know will be off for about 3 months with a baby shortly after she starts work? Yeah that’s what I thought too – no one.

Thankfully everyone is receiving severance packages, including continued health insurance coverage. And they did throw me a bone since I’m knocked up and extended my insurance coverage through the end of January instead of through October like most have been receiving.

I was really hoping to get just a couple more months out of the deal, since people are being let go in waves – July, August, September, and December, with a very small group staying for 1 year to get everything wound down. End of September would have been ideal. But such is not the case. In speaking with the Principals when I was given my final date they did say there’s always the possibility they could start something back up with a pool of their money, in which case I am high on their list of people they’d want back, but I’m not holding my breath on that whatsoever. I’m fairly certain that when I pull out of the garage on July 31, that will be the last time I see most everyone who’s left.

It’s sad. I’m sad. I foresaw myself working there for the rest of my career, however long that was to be. And for as much as it tore me up to send Della to daycare at 5 months old, I actually hate having to take her out now. She talks about her friends there constantly, she loves the teachers, and we love what they do for the kids. I hope I can keep some semblance of a social routine up for her once she’s at home with me full time. I’ve been saving their weekly lesson plans for the past couple weeks for ideas of what to do, and I’m planning on keeping their daily schedule in tact as much as I can at home, but I’m not going to lie. I’m nervous.

I have no idea how to be a stay at home mom anymore. What if she hates being home with me all day? What if I have no idea what to teach her or how to teach her what she would’ve been learning at daycare? What if she drives me crazy? What if I drive her crazy? What if we drive each other crazy and Ryan comes home to find 2 heaps on the floor, dead from all the crazy?

And then there’s the whole issue of a new baby coming in October. Oh yeah, that!! Someone, anyone, please tell me how to simultaneously (and successfully, mind you) take care of a 2 year old and a newborn all day alone. That is probably the part that makes me most frightened. I don’t know how to do it! The other day I was trying to remember what we did with Della and having her go to daycare when she was born, and then I remembered – she WAS the one who was born. DUH!! See, my mind is already partially gone. How am I going to survive the double kid whammy?

So you see, times they are a-changin’ at our house. Whether for better or worse, I have no idea, but it was out of my control. So it’s just happening. Fortunately, with the severance we’ll be ok financially for awhile. Thank god. And I am hoping to pick up a little freelance work between now and when the baby’s born to help tide us over too.

For those who don’t know, I’m an excellent proofreader/editor. Please check out that JEditing button at the very bottom of the page to be taken to my website for a little more info. And if you need any proofreading/editing services, EMAIL ME! I’m not just being egotistical when I say I’m good. I really am.

If I could do proofreading/editing work indefinitely after the baby’s born this fall, that would be ideal. I like it, I’m very good at it, I love finishing a project and knowing I made it correct, and I could do it from home. And if I were to get enough hours doing that, we could always send the kids to daycare once or twice a week so I could get large chunks of time in to work. Ahh, pipe dreams.

So, my friends, my days as a working mom are numbered. Like I said, I have no idea how I’ll be as a stay at home mom now, but I guess we’ll find out in a few days. Wish me luck!

 

 

 

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Off-kilter

Last night while taking D for a walk in the stroller, I realized that I am totally incapable of walking in a straight line.

I know, weird, but true.

For whatever reason, I can’t keep on a straight track, even with a guide to hold onto like the stroller. I constantly veer a little to one side, then back to center, then off-center again. I noticed I did the same thing while jogging with her in the stroller last week, too.

(side note – jogging with a non-jogging stroller sucks. i do not recommend it.)

And I don’t just do it when I’m pushing the stroller. Whenever I go for a run I’m always all over the side walk. Talk about the least efficient route possible. I’ve probably added miles to my runs over the years simply by not being able to keep a straight course.

I wonder why this is. No, it’s not the pregnancy-induced center of gravity shift. My belly isn’t nearly that big yet, fortunately. Plus, like I said, it always happens, pregnant or not.

Anyone else do this, or am I the only off-kilter one in the bunch?

Ah well, as long as I don’t start tripping every time I wander I guess I won’t worry about it. For that would make for some really long and painful walks.