They have arrived!

The twins are here! Well, they were here over a month ago now, but you know very well how this blog works. Something happens, I want to write all about it, then I finally get a chance to do so anywhere from 1 to 6+ months later. I hate that it works that way because I remember the days when everything I put on here was much more timely, even daily, but that just isn’t how life works around here anymore. C’est la vie.

But I can’t let another day go by without formally introducing you to our 4th and 5th (and final!!) babies, so here we go…

Since I was pregnant with twins and incredibly old to be having babies (once you hit 35 you’re considered advanced maternal age, and your pregnancy is labeled geriatric. no joke. they really know how to make a girl feel good.), my OB didn’t want me going much past 37 weeks before delivery and definitely not past 38 weeks. So we set an induction date of Wednesday, January 31. This broke the tradition of all of our children being born on Sundays, but the date did end in a 1 like the birth dates of all the others (Della = 1, Lana = 21, Morrison = 31).

It was also a good date because it was a super blue blood moon – a supermoon, a blue moon, and a total lunar eclipse all at the same time. This cool phenomenon hadn’t occurred for over 150 years before then, so I’d say that makes these little guys pretty damn special.

I was scheduled for 8:30 that morning, so my mom came up the day before to get settled in for this, I made sure the girls had rides to and from school for that day and the rest of the week just in case Ryan wasn’t able to do it, and Ryan and I headed to the hospital shortly after 8:00.

We got checked in and settled into our delivery room for the day, and things got started. And then they stopped and we waited. And waited some more. The anesthesiologist who was going to come in to do my epidural was apparently having a busy morning, and I was obviously low on the priority list, thanks a lot. He finally came in and started to set up his little table, but then he got a phone call, said he had to take it, and left the room. Wtf, dude? I looked at the nurse like what the hell is he doing, and she apologized, saying he really is not supposed to do that at all. So she went out to find him, and Ryan and I sat waiting again.

When she came back, she said she had discovered he was dealing with a family emergency that day, so ok fine, we cut him some slack. I finally got the epidural in shortly before 11:00, and thankfully that went smoothly. I never got one with the first 3 kids, because I’d heard horror stories of the needle and it getting messed up in your back. And I really enjoy being able to walk, so I didn’t want anyone screwing around with my spine. But having to deliver 2 babies in a row sounded horrible, so there was no way I was going without one this time around. The giant needle containing the numbing medication hurt like hell, but once that was done he got the catheter in and the real medicine pumping through, and I had none of the immediate side effects he warned might occur, so we were all set.

Ryan and I started watching Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee on his computer and just waited for the pitocin to get labor going. I’d had so many Braxton Hicks contractions in the months leading up to then that I assumed I’d be at least 2-3 cm dilated by that morning. However, when they checked me after I’d gotten all hooked up in the bed, they found I was only 1.5 cm dilated and not effaced at all, so we were basically starting from scratch with zero labor signs. Awesome. There went my hopes of getting these little guys out by early afternoon.

Things were going boringly, yet fortunately pain-free thanks to that massive needle that had been shoved in my back hours earlier, when I got uncomfortable and wanted to shift positions. I was afraid of knocking the catheter out of place in my back, so the nurse helped me roll more to my right side and sit up just a little. Then I started to feel kind of funny, then really bad, then things took a turn for the worse. My blood pressure plummeted to 50/29, my heart rate dropped sharply, one of the babies’ heart rates dropped too, and I passed out and started throwing up the juice the nurse had given me at first to try to bring my blood sugar up. Ryan said my eyes rolled back and my legs jerked out straight, so he thought I was having a seizure. It wasn’t, it was the blood pressure drop that was a bad reaction to the epidural, but the nurse hit the OB team button, a bunch of people came rushing in, the new anesthesiologist jammed a needle full of something into my IV bag, and I came right back. As soon as I opened my eyes, I felt a million times better and found out what happened. To me, it just felt like I needed to go to sleep and closed my eyes. I missed all the action.

So I stayed lying down for the rest of the day, and we continued our waiting game and show watching. They broke my water mid-afternoon, let’s say around 2:00, and then I expected things to really pick up as they had with the other 3. Nope. More waiting. I finally started to feel some real discomfort and almost pain a couple hours later, after watching some contractions go off the chart and not feeling a thing. I really didn’t believe the epidural was truly going to work until I realized those mountains on the printout were massive contractions and I had felt nothing the entire time. So anyway, when I told the nurse I was feeling a lot of pressure and kind of some pain, she checked me and it was time for babies! Wahoo, finally! But holy shit did I get scared then.

They had to wheel me into the operating room, and my heart rate was probably through the roof. I was so nervous! Yes, I’d given birth before and all went smoothly, but this was a whole new ballgame. Two at once?? Plus after the bad reaction I’d had earlier in the day I really had no idea what was about to happen. We had to be in the operating room because with twins, the NICU team is automatically in there to immediately take care of the babies when they come out, just in case. Plus there was my OB, the med student (resident? whatever he was called), the anesthesiologist to monitor the epidural and turn it off as soon as I was done, and all the nurses (thank god for those nurses! they are saints). So they covered my hair, made Ryan get in his bunny suit/hair cover/and booties, and we set off down the hallway.

When we got into the OR they made me shift from the bed I’d been in all day to a tiny, hard slab of a bed that I swear was about an inch wide, and I knew that was going to be a bad idea. My hands had gotten so swollen and painful from the carpal tunnel and all the fluid they pumped into me by the end of the day that I was practically in tears by the time of delivery because they hurt so badly. Both Ryan and our main nurse took turns trying to massage them and applying heat packs. So my hands were inflamed and useless, yet they wanted me to push myself up and over onto this other bed. Not a chance. So I had to alternate wriggling my lower half and hauling my upper half with my elbows to move myself, which made my stomach churn into knots. Wonderful. By the time I was fully on the miniature OR table, I was ready to throw up again. And again and again and again. That was miserable. I was afraid I’d be barfing and pushing out a baby at the same time. Disgusting.

Poor Ryan got the glamorous job of holding my puke pan, and his services were needed again when they made me move down to the end of the OR bed. Why didn’t you just make me go there in the first place? But I got that all out of my system before it was time to push, thank heavens. Since I couldn’t feel any of the contractions whatsoever, I told them they were going to have to tell me when to push and get these little ones moving. So they did. And after just a couple rounds, Baby A came screaming into the world. He was Nat Jennings Rau, born at 5:02 pm, weighing 6 lbs. 3.5 oz. and measuring 18″ long.

10 minutes and a few more pushes later, Baby B made his appearance. He was born sunny-side up and, as such, swallowed a bunch of amniotic fluid on his way out, so it took a minute to get him going and crying when he came out. But once they made sure he was ok, we met Avit Jerome Rau, born at 5:12 pm, weighing 6 lbs. 0 oz. and measuring 19″ long.

Perfection.

A very happy, relieved ending to what for me was a long, painful, fear-inducing journey. I was elated to be done being pregnant, since this one caused me the most pain and discomfort by far. The heartburn was more severe, the carpal tunnel pain was excruciating, and the 48-pound weight gain was about a dozen pounds more than I’d gained with any of the other 3. It was the first time I actually could not see parts of my body, putting on and taking off socks was a nightmarish circus act, and every physical act made me feel like I was about 120 years old. Plus the absolute unknown of birthing and raising twins shadowed the entire pregnancy for me, so much more so than any excitement of getting to meet 2 more brand new little people. But once they were in my arms, I was thrilled to welcome them into our family. I still can’t believe we brought 2 babies home this time!

(i cannot get that picture of Ryan rotated correctly to save my life, so sorry)

So there it is. The final birth story for this family. Of 7. What?!?! That still sounds unreal, and I’m sure it will for a long time. Never ever ever did I envision having 5 children, nor did I ever want to have 5 children. But now that we do, it is pretty amazing to say that my body carried and birthed 5 beautiful, healthy babies, all of whom are currently thriving and happy.

The big siblings came to the hospital to meet the babies on Thursday after Della got done with school, and they were all instantly in love. Actually, they were more interested in playing in the big hospital room that I got for my recovery stay and getting food, but you know, they still love the twins.

(can’t get Nigh-Night rotated either, dumb blog)

We went home mid-day on Friday, after both the twins and I cleared all our checks for discharge. My mom stayed with us through that weekend, then Ryan had 2 weeks off work, which was amazing. We all got to take naps every day, and I was able to sleep in until just before the girls got off to school, so that extra sleep that I didn’t have in the early days with the other kids was a lifesaver. Then my mom came back up for a week after Ryan went back to work, yet another lifesaver. Friends and neighbors have also been massive helps, bringing meals and giving the girls rides to and from school. Simply not having to leave the house with all these children has been a tremendous sanity saver for me. The twins still have no morning schedule to speak of and nights continue to be iffy, so if I had to try to get all 6 of us ready to get out the door by 7:45 each school morning, I’d probably be out of my mind by now.

Yes, it’s hard work with the countless diaper changes daily and feeling like I spend fully half my time stuck under a feeding infant or 2, plus taking care of 3 other kids, one of whom is in the thick of potty training right now. And yes, I’m exhausted. But I’m really, truly happy. I thought having twins would be the worst thing to happen to our family, but I could not have been more wrong. These spectacular little faces make it all worth it.

Welcome home, little Nat and Avit! We all love you oh, so much!

 

 

Summertime, and the livin’ is easy

Unfortunately, those days are over for us this year, as school started for both Della and Lana yesterday. Waaahhhhh!!!!

I really hate seeing summer go, but I’m actually looking forward to this school year. Both girls are so excited – Della has been ready to get back for a while now to start 2nd grade, and Lana is happy to be going with her big sister this year for her turn in K4. Lana got the same K4 teacher Della had, who we loved, so we’re all really happy about that. And we’ve heard some great things about Della’s teacher, so she should have a great time, too.

Della’s so happy to be back seeing her friends every day, and it fills my heart to exploding to see her thrive at school. Lana is just such a goofball, I am beyond curious to see what her experience is. I’m just so grateful that we already know her teacher, so I am perfectly comfortable telling her anything and everything and making sure I’m giving and getting enough feedback for how Lana is doing. This is pretty surprising to me, because I honestly thought I was going to be a mess sending little Lana, my fairy girl, off on her own. But thinking back, I was much calmer than I thought I’d be when Della started K4, too. So who knows why my mind thinks the way it does.

But please stay tuned. I have a whole post planned about our summer, including plenty of pictures; I just haven’t had a chance to get it written yet for the world to see. Life has been busy around here lately, but it’s coming, I promise. In the meantime, I’m hoping we get a little taste of summer warmth to enjoy again before it’s gone for the year!

 

Springtime fun in the sun

This spring, we were lucky enough to get 2 vacations within 2 weeks of each other. I will actually call the second one a trip, because, contrary to popular belief, traveling with children halfway across the country without your spouse or their other parent is not technically a vacation. It is a fun trip at best, a torture sentence at worst. It’s definitely not a relaxing, put-your-feet-up vacation, though. Those of you who have traveled solo with your kids, let alone flown with them, know exactly what I’m talking about.

Our first trip was truly a vacation. The 5 of us went down to Key West over Della’s spring break from school with my sister and her family and my mom and stepdad. I had never been there and had always wanted to go, so I was really excited to get a chance to visit the southernmost point in the US. I was beyond thankful, too, because, due to the fact that I’m currently doing some work for my sister and the company she and my brother-in-law work for, our entire family essentially got a company-sponsored vacation. Otherwise, we probably definitely would have been enjoying a Rau family stay-cation for spring break this year.

My excitement, however, soon turned to dismay, when Lana and Morrison caught a bug from their cousins and started vomiting. Unstoppably. As such, I was stuck in our rented house for almost the entirety of the trip, since barfing kids not only feel terrible and need extra care but are generally unable to do the fun things that come with tropical vacations, like boat trips to see dolphins and manatees, exploring the island, and going anywhere other than our house. Thankfully it had a private pool in the backyard, which I was able to enjoy most days while the sick ones napped.

I did get to have a little fun before the sickness ensued, fortunately. My sister rented bikes for everyone the first day we were there, so Ryan took us all on a big bike tour of our part of the island on the second day of our trip. That was cool – we saw the southernmost point landmark (even though the line was ridiculously long and we couldn’t stop to take a pic there), we did get a picture at the start of Highway 1, we biked through some of the cool little Key West neighborhoods, we rode by Hemingway’s house (unfortunately i never got a chance to go back for a tour, which i really wanted to do), and we got the general vibe of the island. We also watched the sunset in Mallory Square one night and saw the elusive green flash; that made me really happy, because I’ve always wanted to see one.

Some of us also went to the beach one morning, which was nice. The beaches there are very rocky, though, not sandy, so it made walking on it rather unpleasant. I swam out a ways to a small coral outcropping that was a popular snorkeling spot, and as far out as you could touch the bottom it was rocky. So weird; I’ve never experienced a beach like that. We found a bunch of cool shells, though, which the kids loved, and we brought back enough to fill a mason jar that’s currently decorating their bedroom.

I got to go on a sailboat ride with my sister, brother-in-law, and some of their coworkers on what was supposed to be our last afternoon there. Fortunately, I talked Ryan into staying 1 extra day so I could try to get some relief from all the vomit and have a relaxing day to myself. It kind of happened – the little ones were still barfing, but it would have been a nightmare with them on a plane that day instead of at the house, plus I did get to enjoy the afternoon sun by the pool with drinks brought to me by Ryan from some of the bars on Duval Street that I never got to see in person due to my pseudo-quarantine status most days. I need to remember, however, that boats and I don’t mix very well anymore. Any time anyone asks if I want to go on a booze cruise I jump at the chance, forgetting that I get instantly nauseous as soon as we leave the harbor. Ah well. I got to help hoist the sails and did feel good after I laid down with my eyes closed for a bit and just enjoyed the lull of the ocean, so it all ended well.

I have to say, my favorite part of our trip was the almost-daily trips to the Cuban coffee shop. That stuff was delicious!! I lamented the fact that I barely got to see or do anything else due to the kids being sick, but that’s ok. Hopefully I’ll be back. And Ryan checked off everything on his list (of course!), which was good because he hadn’t had a true vacation in about 3 years.

Then, 2 weeks after we got home from Key West, I took the kids out to Tucson over the long Easter weekend to visit my grandparents. We had a layover in Denver, and thankfully my sister booked all our flights so that I met up with them to fly the second leg from there into Tucson together. I’m not sure 4 planes by myself with the 3 Goonies would have been quite as enjoyable as having company/help for half of them.

It was a great visit, even though I was parenting solo. The weather was beautiful, we took the kids to a new-to-us pool that was pretty perfect for them, we spent some time at the house of a wonderful family friend who I’ve literally known my entire life, we got to spend important time with my grandparents, and we overlapped with other family who we don’t see that often.

It’s always nice to get out of Dodge every once in a while, especially when Wisconsin winters can seem endless.  So these were some fun, sun-filled days.

 

It finally came to me

Ever since we’ve had children, I’ve wanted to get a tattoo to symbolize them in some way. I thought maybe I’d find a cool way to intertwine their initials, or something like that, but nothing ever stuck with me or jumped out at me as exactly the right design. And that’s the thing with a tattoo, for me at least – it has to be absolutely beyond perfect, leaving no doubt in my mind whatsoever that I really, really want it on my body forever.

Two weeks ago, it finally came to me.

I don’t know why, but every time I thought of what represented the kids best, sea turtles came to mind. A while ago, I had envisioned tiny little sea turtles wrapping around the inside of my left wrist. But they would’ve had to be super duper tiny so as not to be massively obvious, then I wouldn’t be able to incorporate their initials very well, yadda yadda yadda.

So then I decided on my left side, right in the middle of my side, so they’re kind of swimming up toward my heart. Bingo. Plus, Ryan said he didn’t like wrist tattoos at all, so that helped solidify that positioning. I actually went to the tattoo shop a friend recommended a couple Saturdays ago to get it done, but they didn’t have time for me right then, so I went to another shop that also didn’t have time when I walked in but said they’d call me back later that afternoon. I got a much better vibe from the second place, plus I found a penny on the ground outside the door when I left, so I called back that night to make an appointment for the following Wednesday.

It ended up working out for the best that my original plan of attack to get the tattoo didn’t pan out, because that night I had time to draw exactly what I wanted instead of just going in with a rough idea; the girls got to pick the color they wanted for each of the flowers by their initials; the tattoo artist with whom I ended up getting the appointment did an amazing job putting my sketches together and bringing them to life; I found another penny at the shop right before I got the tattoo; and the artist made the final tattoo look better than I could even imagine.

I just love it. It makes me happy every time I look at it. These 3 kids are my absolute heart and soul, which makes this tattoo so meaningful.

I’ve been having a lot of status envy lately, which I know is stupid and an unnecessary waste of worry, but I can’t help it. Sometimes I just get stuck. We’re surrounded by so many incredible things and places, it’s kind of hard not to sometimes. Seeing my beautiful tattoo and realizing how truly happy I am helps me snap out of it.

We don’t have a lot of money, we don’t live in a big giant house, we don’t drive fancy cars (Tesla is apparently the new expensive car of choice around here, by the way), we don’t go on exotic vacations all over the world. But these kids and the family we’ve created and our wonderful web of family, friends, and neighbors and the unbelievable community in which we live bring happiness that can never be measured with a price tag. And although I’ve been without a salary for over 4 years now, we’re making it work, something we never thought was possible before it actually happened. Plus, now when I do work, I get to do it in my home while our children play and sleep. Also priceless.

So thank you, little sea turtles. Not only are you exactly what I wanted for my tattoo, you are also a permanent reminder of happiness.

 

Hello, world! Again

“Hello world!” That’s the title of the generic first placeholder post when you create a new blog, so I thought it pretty fitting to use here. The first post on my new, redesigned blog. And, being the editor I am, I couldn’t help but add that dialogue comma in there for accuracy.

So, whaddya think? ScooterMarie has become Jocelyn Rau. Plain and simple, just how I like things. I actually wanted an easy name like that from the start, but when I first set this blog up back in 2011, Ryan said I should go with something more unique. Hence, ScooterMarie was born. And it worked great. But I was never 100% in love with the name, so now that I’ve decided to redo the blog design, I figured now was as good a time as any to change the name. Plus, jocelyrau.com was available, so it worked perfectly.

Hopefully you like the change as much as I do. Those pictures up in the header are all ones we’ve taken over the years, and I love how they change randomly. Bits of my life coming to life on here.

If you had subscribed to my RSS feed on ScooterMarie to get notified every time there was a new post, I think you’ll have to subscribe to the new site address to keep getting them. Just click on this little orange square, and it’ll take you right to Feedburner:

So thanks for sticking with Jocelyn Rau – me and my blog.

 

Deck the halls

And all that jazz…

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Our tree is up, tiny, and perfect for this year. I wanted a small one so Morrison doesn’t constantly trip and fall into the thing, ruining umpteen ornaments. Next year we’ll probably be back to full size. I think it turned out splendidly.

I’m pretty sure this is the earliest I’ve had all of our Christmas decorations up, and it feels great. Now we can just sit back, enjoy them, and soak in the spirit of the season.

Happy holidays, everyone!

Thankful, always

Thankful for a beautiful 6 year old whose kind heart and amazing mind inspire me and make me prouder every day.

Thankful for the most incredible 4 year old I’ve ever known. Her fairy spirit knows no bounds, and the inner workings of her mind are some of the most indescribably magnificent places humankind has ever experienced.

Thankful for an adorable little almost-18 month old whose smile lights a room, whose laughter brightens the darkest hours, and whose hugs make everything better.

Thankful for the man whom those 3 miracles call Daddy, without whom none of this would be possible.

Thankful for the time to be everything to our children, day and night.

Thankful for the health and strength to be everything to our children.

Thankful for family near and far, here and beyond. No matter how frequent or infrequent the contact, all are forever a part of us.

Thankful for friends old and new. Those friends who are always there, who know your secrets, who will keep you laughing until your sides ache and your cheeks hurt, and who make it seem like no time has passed at all when you meet again.

Thankful for friends, neighbors, and good people who believe in and value the same things. The importance of knowing you are there for our children, too, cannot be put into words.

Thankful for this house that becomes more and more our home every day. Our children came home here, are growing up here, and are learning life here. It is ours and they are safe here.

Thankful that our children are already realizing this is what’s important in life; that not everyone has what we do even when so many have so much more; and to be thankful and grateful, not greedy and selfish.

So very thankful, always.

Happy Thanksgiving!