Category: Life as I know it

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Me

I just turned 42. Super exciting, I know. It’s not one of the fun ones, like, I just turned 21! or I just turned 30! or even I just turned 40! 42. Meh.

And, honestly, for the first time I’m actually starting to feel age. Not necessarily feeling “my age” or feeling “like I’m aging,” just age. Everyone told me 40 is when the wheels start to fall off – stiffness getting out of bed, random aches and pains, making noises when you sit down or get up just because. Ha! You know the ones.

But lucky me, I escaped one extra year and didn’t feel any afflictions until 41. This past year was a doozy overall to be sure, and maybe it just took more of a toll on me than I realized as we were living right through it. I started seeing a chiropractor last summer for a sore neck and hip, and every adjustment makes everything feel so much better. I’ve never really gone because my back hurts, though, which has always seemed funny to me. However, since then, my right shoulder has been sore, my knees have started aching, I have arthritis in my finger, and my elbows have been inflamed. I’m sorry, what? Swollen elbows?? What the fuck. These all come and go, thankfully not all sticking around permanently or at the same time, but still.

Thinking on it, though, this body of mine has put in a lot of work. Maybe it’s no wonder I’m starting to feel it. I swam 4 years collegiately, which alone could have done me in. I’ve run hundreds of miles since then, raced numerous 5Ks, competed in a handful of triathlons, run a half marathon, carried and borne 5 babies, and am raising those babies every day. And thankfully, I can still do all of it. Well, no more carrying and bearing babies, that’s for damn sure, but the rest of it. Exercise is necessary for me – sound mind and body – and I’m grateful it’s part of my everyday life. In fact, I ran my quickest 5K in recent days on my birthday. Probably because I wasn’t pushing the twins in the stroller!

Speaking of those babies, I’ve become obsessed with the show Call the Midwife. It’s about midwives in 1950s’ East End London, and I can’t get enough. Of course I put our children into every grim situation shown in the episodes, and it makes me so eternally grateful that our 5 are healthy and thriving. There’s plenty of food on the table (that thankfully Ryan cooks!), our rooms are clean and warm, everyone has clothes and shoes, and I’m able to stay home with the kids. Our house is small, yes, but it’s perfectly comfortable and overflowing with love. Plus we own the one next door, too, if we get really sick of each other. And here’s the thing about humongous houses – there’s lots of room to spread out, but there are also lots of bathrooms to clean. With twins who are potty training, 1 bathroom of pee to clean is more than enough for me!

Although 42 is a rather uneventful age, I had an incredibly fun birthday weekend. Ryan was a total bonehead earlier that week so I was fully prepared for an annoying, disappointing day, but he made a miraculous turnaround. I did pretty much whatever I wanted on my birthday – slept in, woke up to amazing decorations and gifts and a delicious egg and cheese sandwich from the kids, walked over to our neighborhood donut shop for treats and coffee with the kids, they all played outside while I went for a run, they got their own picnic lunch together in the back yard, Ryan made a fantastic dinner of beef tenderloin/scallops/chopped salad, and our 2 great friends came over to eat and celebrate that night. Plus Ryan did all the dishes for me! The next day was Mother’s Day, on which I got more adorable homemade gifts from the kids, then we went up to see Ryan’s family for the first time in over a year and take family pictures. It turned out to be much more fun than I expected, and the pictures are beautiful.

So there I am. 42. It may be a boring number, but life certainly isn’t boring these days and I cherish each of them fully. I’ll be over here just drinking my turmeric and ginger tea and taking my multi-collagen while wearing my heated neck massager, you know, to combat all my newfound aches and inflammation. 😉

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April 8

Was a big day around here. The big 3 went back to in-person school for the first time in 174 school days, and it was mine and Ryan’s 15th anniversary.

Last virtual reading group
Last day of virtual school for this crew!
Last virtual P.E. class together
Last virtual day picture with her teacher.
She adored Miss Safer at Richards!
Thumbs up – all done!

The kids are so happy to be back in the classrooms with their teachers and friends, and so am I! We were elated that Della and Morrison’s teachers switched back to in person, too, so they got to stay with them. Lana’s virtual teacher actually didn’t keep her own classroom this quarter so Lana wouldn’t have been able to stay with her anyway, and Lana’s new teacher seems wonderful. Plus, her virtual teacher now helps out with reading groups in Morrison’s class and Lana gets to see her for an hour each Wednesday during asynchronous office hours, so that worked out great. As much as I miss not having them here all day anymore, I feel with every fiber of my being that sending them back for this final quarter of the school year was definitely the right choice for us. Even the walking to/from school routine feels good again. We’ve still had asynchronous Wednesdays, so I do get to keep them with me those days.

Gotta celebrate with a Fun Lunch!

They hopped right back into the school swing, too. They unload their backpacks right when we get home, wash their lunch boxes and water bottles, do any homework (usually only Della), give me any papers out of their folders (usually only Lana and Morrison), then make their lunches and snacks for the next day after dinner. I absolutely love the independence they’ve gained in these chores. They enjoy making their own lunches and I don’t, so it’s a win-win!

First morning walking to school in over a year!

We didn’t have a big celebration for #15. Ryan sent me a beautiful flower arrangement, I hung up the decorations Lana had made for Valentine’s Day that we were saving for this, and I opened a nice bottle of sparkling wine before dinner. I put on my wedding dress, too, which Avit absolutely loved helping to arrange.

Lana’s anniversary present for us. She made it immediately when we got home from school and had me send a picture of it to her teacher. 🙂 It says “Here comes the bride all dressed in white.”

I say it pretty much every spring, but I can’t believe we’re in May already and nearing the end of yet another school year. Della and I had her middle school tour last night (what the?!?!?!). I will be a total mess the last week of this school year with all the fun activities and celebrations they have planned for the 5th graders’ sendoff from elementary school. Even though the middle school looks incredible and I know she’ll love it, it’s breaking my heart that we’re not all going to be walking to and from the same school together each day anymore, and she won’t be at the same school with any of her siblings again until her senior year of high school. I know these are all just steps in life, but they’re scary for me. I know my kids little, and I love it this way. I obviously won’t love them any less as they grow up, but I’m having a really hard time letting go.

So there we go. April 8 – it was a good day.

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Exhale

The day started early – kids testing at 2 schools before a usual day even begins. Before coffee. One ran late, I worried I wouldn’t get the next there on time. Exhale.

An outgoing President (ab)using his powers to the end. Not even attending his successor’s inauguration. Selfish and living in his altered reality still. But he left a note. Exhale.

A woman sworn in as Vice President of the United States of America. A woman of color. The first. WOMAN. Exhale.

A man sworn in as President of the United States of America. Our oldest yet, but true. Honest, empathetic, present. A man who’s endured personal tragedy one would never wish upon their greatest foe. Spent his career in our nation’s halls of democracy. Third time’s a charm. #46. Exhale.

No violence. No protests. No bloodshed. No shouting. No fighting. No casualties. Exhale.

Hope for tomorrow. Breath for tomorrow. A sense of a future we can believe in again. A sense of a future of respect and unity. A sense of a future of pride. A long road ahead for certain, but one that now feels walkable. A sense of a future. Period. Exhale.

My eyes burn by the end of the night. Heavy from verging on tears all day. Tears of stress; then joy, relief, hope. Heavy from exhaustion. Exhaustion from the release of the weight of the past years that I had no idea was even affecting me. Heavy from being on edge all day waiting for something to happen. Heavy from being relieved beyond belief that it never did. Heavy from fully realizing the importance of this day for not just me but for my children. They can do anything. Exhale.

Sleep well tonight. Tomorrow dawns bright. Exhale.

1-20-21. Biden Harris. Exhale.

Artist: Julia Burzon

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Roaring ’20

2020, man. What the fuck happened??

The year started off so great: A new decade! So exciting! So hopeful! The next 10 years! Remember?

That train went off the rails pretty quickly, eh?

A global pandemic that’s killing millions. Mother Nature hating humankind – raging wildfires, a million hurricanes and tropical storms, floods, blizzards. Murder hornets. Swarming locusts. Economies on destructive roller coasters. Widespread unemployment and shuttered businesses. The bastard racism alive and well. Nationwide protests. An election that tested the foundation of this country and shook us to our core. Holidays spent mostly apart from family and friends physically but connected electronically. Social distancing. Zoom. Virtual. Synchronous. Asynchronous. Wear a mask! A new normal.

Safer at home and lockdown last spring were actually not that bad. As I’ve said time and again, being home and not having to load all 5 up to go anywhere is my specialty. The big 3 did great with virtual school during that time and got a couple chances to connect with their teachers again by the end of the school year, even though we weren’t in classrooms anymore.

{If you’d like a little year-end review of those posts, here’s what happened during weeks 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, and post.}

However.

As summer vacation rolled in and our normally relaxed, unscheduled days dawned, the coziness of all 7 of us being at home together got a little less cozy by the hour.

If I heard, “I’m on a call!” once more… If the boys ran through the house at top speed and crashed into something or each other once more… If the girls bickered over who went first for whatever or got to control the remote to watch whatever or just whatever whatever once more…

As a normally very even-keeled person, experiencing a constant, humongous range of emotions became exhausting. Happy! Crabby! Chilled out! Angry! Elated! Enraged! Loving! Crying! Laughing! I lost my shit more times than I have in my entire adult life before March of this year, and I began questioning things that I held as rock solid in every aspect before the stretch of time that was 2020. I honestly don’t know how I didn’t kill 1 or more of us daily.

Actually, wine. It was probably wine that saved all of our lives.

I kid. Kind of.

I had also planned to finally take all 5 kids to Canada with my mom and sisters for a vacation this summer, but obviously that didn’t happen with the border closure. We did take a couple of shorter trips within the Midwest, though, so those helped to get the ants out of our pants a little. And then Ryan went back to work in his building in August, and we started to slide back to a slightly reduced level of insanity. And rage on my end, I won’t lie.

As you know, when school started again in September we chose to keep the big 3 fully virtual. With the success they’d had at home last spring and the complete uncertainty of how everything was going to play out with in-person schooling and the spread of covid-19, we felt it was right for us. Fortunately it’s worked out great so far, with each grade having enough students choose fully virtual that each of their classes has a dedicated fully virtual teacher, not splitting her time between those students in class and those on screen. And again, that not having to get everyone out the door at a certain time each morning thing… I’ve gotten very used to it! We get to choose virtual/in person by quarter, and I think we’re going to stick with fully virtual all year. The kids all love their teachers, as do I; they’re doing an excellent job; and they haven’t missed a beat instruction-wise or socially.

And now here we are, the calendar about to flip yet again. The kids and I did get a little in-person family time before Christmas, and the rest of this holiday season we enjoyed here at home, the 7 of us together. I definitely don’t have the same excitement going into 2021 as I did coming into 2020, but I do have a take-it-as-it-comes attitude. I think that’s what 2020 taught us; well, me, at least – you have absolutely no idea what’s heading at you next, so take it as it comes as best you can. I count my blessings daily (literally, believe me!) that we all have our health, Ryan still has his job, I am still able to be home full time with the kids, the roof over our heads is still standing, and we can put food on our table.

(*click on each image in the gallery to enlarge it*)

  • Gobble, gobble!
  • So very thankful
  • New Santa bags!
  • School at Grandma & Grandpa’s!
  • Our own private Nutcracker party this year
  • Franz, our waiter, ha!
  • Starting off winter break with a breakfast of hot cocoa and candy canes
  • Snow day!

So, 2021, here we come. 2020, you can fuck off. We survived you, and we’re thankfully still going. As my grandma says, “Cherish the days. March on.” That, and I just restocked the wine cellar.

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#summervacation2020

Despite living during a pandemic, we managed to have a really great summer vacation. Screw you, COVID-19!

We started things off with a family trip over to Paw Paw, MI, for a nice 4-day weekend with my mom and stepdad. We’d never been to their cabin there before, and it was wonderful. (P.S. All of these trips will have their own gallery since we take millions of pictures, so please click on each pic to enlarge it if you’d like a better view.)

Two weeks later, my dad came up for the weekend to celebrate Morrison’s birthday, so it was fun having Grandpa in town for a few days. (Please see Morrison’s 5-year post for those pictures!) We were home for a few weeks after that, then I took the kids down to my mom’s for a week after the 4th of July. My sister and her kids drove back to spend that time, too, so we all had a great visit and got to celebrate my niece and stepdad’s birthdays. We hadn’t seem them for exactly a year, which is crazy!

A quick half week later, and we went on another family vacation. That never happens twice in a summer, so it was awesome. Our great friends found a last-minute rental opportunity about 3.5 hours north of here in Crandon, WI, so I said count us in! We definitely did not regret it. It was an incredible place with a perfect property and lake for the kids, and we all had so much fun.

A couple weeks after that, I took the kids back down to my mom’s for another week of Grandma and Grandpa days. We were the only visitors this time, and we celebrated Della’s birthday. Another round of relaxation and fun – just what we needed!

  • I’m in love with these clutch purses and mini pouches I’ve discovered how to make!

We also sprinkled in a couple treat days around here – Bookworm Gardens, hunting for sea glass, donuts and the playground at school, backyard fun (we finally have grass!), the zoo, and I transformed our front porch into a perfect little sitting spot that I love.

  • He pulled tooth #2 by himself already!
  • New glasses!
  • His first pair of glasses!
  • Glasses brigade
  • Can’t be left out!

So now we prepare for the start to our strangest school year ever. We’ve chosen to have the big 3 attend school fully virtually for the first quarter, because I can’t bring myself to make them the guinea pigs in all this. Our other option was a blended model where students go in person 2 days a week and virtual the other 3, but I’ll see how that works before sending ours in. If everyone stays healthy and school stays open the whole time, we’ll all be happy to send them back to the classrooms with their teachers and friends. But I’m just not convinced it will all work so smoothly right away. I want them back as much as they want to be back, but I also don’t need to take any unnecessary risks. Plus we don’t have an extra room for quarantining!

So, another summer break in the books. And an excellent one at that, even with masks, social distancing, and basically nothing operating like a usual summer. Who knows what these upcoming seasons will bring on all fronts, so I will cherish these last couple days like nobody’s business. Cheers!

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Cherish the days

That’s going to be my next tattoo. My grandma always says that to me, and I have it in her handwriting. It’s going to run vertically along my line of sea turtles for the kids. When I get around to it…

Fully the past decade of my life has been spent preparing for, having, and raising babies. And yes, I still consider the twins babies, even though they’ve turned 2. They don’t speak in complete sentences; they can’t dress themselves; they can’t make me a cocktail; and they still poop in their pants without warning. Definitely still babies.

But, since they are now 2, I’ve begun to wake up a little and see the world around me again not just as a pregnant/new mom, but as a regular person. And lately, that, unfortunately, has put me in a frequent state of comparison – houses, travels, other ways of and standings in life in general. Materialistic and superficial, yes, I am well aware, but it happens nonetheless.

There is a particular street in our village that is my absolute dream – the homes are enormous, the yards are equally huge and immaculate, it looks like you’re in a forest, and it feels about 8 million miles away from our area, when in reality we’re roughly a mile apart. I told Ryan maybe someday we can sell both our houses and look for a spread over there. Even that would probably still be a stretch.

I think comparing oneself and life to others is fairly common, but it just gets so damn annoying. I know I’ve said this here before, but as far back as I can remember I’ve always felt just a little different than everyone else, always just kind of out of place. I’ve never been able to place why, and it’s odd how many times people say “Me, too!” when I say that because I’ve always looked at everyone else as being the “they” with whom I and others compare ourselves. So to hear people say they’ve felt the exact same way and know exactly what I’m talking about seems crazy to me. I’d love to walk through every single day thinking my space in this world is absolutely perfect, I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be, and there’s not one thing else I should be doing, but that’s easier said than done when we’re constantly surrounded by massive amounts of wealth that will probably always make me feel “less than,” no matter how happy I am. And I am, actually, truly happy. Just wondering, that’s all. Does a little comparison ever completely end? Is it human nature, or am I just weird?

A friend said to me the other night that he admires how I’m always going through life with a smile. I was completely surprised, yet flattered, and said well how am I supposed to be, angry at all the “could have beens” all the time? I feel like it’s better to go through life not just looking at the cup as being half full but having that half full part be overflowingly full. Sure I could’ve stayed in NYC, been a multi-multi-millionaire by now, and be living in a ridiculously expensive luxury penthouse in Manhattan, but I didn’t. I knew there was no way Ryan would have stayed out there permanently, I didn’t really want to either, it would have been impossible to raise a family there the way we’re raising ours, and I honestly hated my job more than just about anything I’ve ever hated in my life. I realized the second I started working out there that everyone around me cared solely about money, and that’s not me. There is SO much more to life that they were constantly missing. Having money is definitely a good thing, but it’s not the only thing.

And without me and Ryan being us, none of our kids would be here; and they pretty much are my life. Yes we live in a too-small house with too many kids and we don’t get to do everything that everyone else gets to do or go everywhere that everyone else gets to go or have everything that everyone else gets to have, but they don’t get to have our kids and the love and fun we have with them, either. Our 5 children are healthy, they’re happy, they have fun in the now and the everyday, they don’t really want for anything, and for that simple fact I am so grateful. So that’s why I smile. Because although it isn’t much right now to most people, it’s everything to me. It’s mine. It’s the “what is,” not “what should be.” I really do cherish the days with my whole heart.

And when our house is finally done, it will be practically double the size it is now. The kids will be able to run upstairs to their room, something I’ve always wanted in a home. I am fully aware that the size of one’s house is not the be-all and end-all in life, but with a family of 7, a little more breathing room will be nice.

All right, there are my mind’s ramblings for the day. Sorry it’s not a post full of pictures of the kids again, but it’s good to let my brain dump every once in a while. I used to do that all the time on here, but then we had all those kids mentioned above and life filled up and the house filled up and so did my head. Don’t worry, it’s slowly starting to come back to normal. Then watch out, Dream Drive, here we come! Just kidding, I’ll just be over here arranging furniture in our new upstairs instead. 😉

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2020 ~ The next 10…

It didn’t dawn on me until just a couple weeks ago that ringing in 2020 will not only start a new year but a whole new decade. What?! For some reason, that struck me hard. Woah, a new decade! It sounds so… big.

So then I started reflecting, something I rarely have time to do. The 2010s were pretty significant for me:

  • I started them at 30 years old; I’m ending them at 40.
  • I started them pregnant with our first child; I’m ending them with my pregnancies behind me.
  • We started them with 0 kids; we’re ending them with 5.
  • I started them having no clue what it meant to be a parent; I’m ending them as a pretty confident one.
  • I started them thinking having kids meant simply adding a baby to your family; I’m ending them knowing exactly how life changing having kids is. You’d better be prepared.
  • I started them working full time in the world of Wall St.; I’m ending them not working full time again for quite awhile, possibly ever. And definitely not in that arena; once I have the need/desire/time to go back to more time-consuming work, I will be looking for more freelance opportunities in my current editing field.
  • I started them putting myself first in pretty much all of my endeavors; I’m ending them knowing how to put others’ needs first constantly, namely those of 5 very small humans who live in my house. This past decade was definitely a lesson in selflessness and humility. Having kids can do that to a body.
  • This blog didn’t even exist in 2010; now it’s 9 years in.
Just us, pre kids and carefree
  • #30
  • #30
  • #40
  • #40
  • #40
Me then and now
  • Almost done as just a couple
  • Della
  • Last time as a family of 3
  • Lana
  • Last time as a family of 4
  • Morrison
  • Last time as a family of 5
  • Nat
  • Avit
The beginning, growth, and completion of our family

So. Our family is complete. Our house is nearing completion (that’s been over a decade-long project!). We are all healthy. And I’m happy. Simple joys, but ones that are important to me.

  • 2010
  • 2011 (in Hawaii!)
  • 2012
  • 2013
  • 2014 (pregnant with Morrison)
  • 2015
  • 2016
  • 2017 (pregnant with the twins)
  • 2018 – complete!
  • 2019 – welcoming a new decade!
Our New Year’s Eves of the past decade

Looking into the 2020s, I do have some feelings. And I say feelings, not goals, because that’s not how I roll. I don’t set tangible, hard goals or deadlines. I live by how things feel. It’s much easier.

  • I feel like getting to do some traveling with our brood. Doesn’t need to be elaborate or far, just exploring and seeing new places with the kids is fun.
  • I feel like getting to know our kids as growing individuals will be great. I spent the last decade, the whole of my 30s, having babies; now I’ll spend this one raising them. Hopefully I’ll do it right and they’ll be good people, assets to humanity, not a bunch of little turds.
  • I feel like these will be years of doing – finishing our house, enjoying where we live, watching the kids grow and thrive, living life as a big family.
  • I feel like getting to do some things my way, not just doing everything as governed by a baby. Or two.

2020. It sounds so futuristic, yet it’s here. The 1920s are the one era I always say I’d love to go back to if I ever got to time travel. Will the 2020s be my roaring ’20s?! Thank you, 2010s, for all you gave us. Now cheers to 2020 and the next new decade!