Month: February 2020

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Cherish the days

That’s going to be my next tattoo. My grandma always says that to me, and I have it in her handwriting. It’s going to run vertically along my line of sea turtles for the kids. When I get around to it…

Fully the past decade of my life has been spent preparing for, having, and raising babies. And yes, I still consider the twins babies, even though they’ve turned 2. They don’t speak in complete sentences; they can’t dress themselves; they can’t make me a cocktail; and they still poop in their pants without warning. Definitely still babies.

But, since they are now 2, I’ve begun to wake up a little and see the world around me again not just as a pregnant/new mom, but as a regular person. And lately, that, unfortunately, has put me in a frequent state of comparison – houses, travels, other ways of and standings in life in general. Materialistic and superficial, yes, I am well aware, but it happens nonetheless.

There is a particular street in our village that is my absolute dream – the homes are enormous, the yards are equally huge and immaculate, it looks like you’re in a forest, and it feels about 8 million miles away from our area, when in reality we’re roughly a mile apart. I told Ryan maybe someday we can sell both our houses and look for a spread over there. Even that would probably still be a stretch.

I think comparing oneself and life to others is fairly common, but it just gets so damn annoying. I know I’ve said this here before, but as far back as I can remember I’ve always felt just a little different than everyone else, always just kind of out of place. I’ve never been able to place why, and it’s odd how many times people say “Me, too!” when I say that because I’ve always looked at everyone else as being the “they” with whom I and others compare ourselves. So to hear people say they’ve felt the exact same way and know exactly what I’m talking about seems crazy to me. I’d love to walk through every single day thinking my space in this world is absolutely perfect, I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be, and there’s not one thing else I should be doing, but that’s easier said than done when we’re constantly surrounded by massive amounts of wealth that will probably always make me feel “less than,” no matter how happy I am. And I am, actually, truly happy. Just wondering, that’s all. Does a little comparison ever completely end? Is it human nature, or am I just weird?

A friend said to me the other night that he admires how I’m always going through life with a smile. I was completely surprised, yet flattered, and said well how am I supposed to be, angry at all the “could have beens” all the time? I feel like it’s better to go through life not just looking at the cup as being half full but having that half full part be overflowingly full. Sure I could’ve stayed in NYC, been a multi-multi-millionaire by now, and be living in a ridiculously expensive luxury penthouse in Manhattan, but I didn’t. I knew there was no way Ryan would have stayed out there permanently, I didn’t really want to either, it would have been impossible to raise a family there the way we’re raising ours, and I honestly hated my job more than just about anything I’ve ever hated in my life. I realized the second I started working out there that everyone around me cared solely about money, and that’s not me. There is SO much more to life that they were constantly missing. Having money is definitely a good thing, but it’s not the only thing.

And without me and Ryan being us, none of our kids would be here; and they pretty much are my life. Yes we live in a too-small house with too many kids and we don’t get to do everything that everyone else gets to do or go everywhere that everyone else gets to go or have everything that everyone else gets to have, but they don’t get to have our kids and the love and fun we have with them, either. Our 5 children are healthy, they’re happy, they have fun in the now and the everyday, they don’t really want for anything, and for that simple fact I am so grateful. So that’s why I smile. Because although it isn’t much right now to most people, it’s everything to me. It’s mine. It’s the “what is,” not “what should be.” I really do cherish the days with my whole heart.

And when our house is finally done, it will be practically double the size it is now. The kids will be able to run upstairs to their room, something I’ve always wanted in a home. I am fully aware that the size of one’s house is not the be-all and end-all in life, but with a family of 7, a little more breathing room will be nice.

All right, there are my mind’s ramblings for the day. Sorry it’s not a post full of pictures of the kids again, but it’s good to let my brain dump every once in a while. I used to do that all the time on here, but then we had all those kids mentioned above and life filled up and the house filled up and so did my head. Don’t worry, it’s slowly starting to come back to normal. Then watch out, Dream Drive, here we come! Just kidding, I’ll just be over here arranging furniture in our new upstairs instead. 😉

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They’re Two!

The twins are TWO!!

Apparently they were not excited for their last night of one

And, as expected, they are acting totally two-ish. Running, climbing, shouting, laughing, crying, dancing, clapping, singing, goofing, and often destruction-ing.

They absolutely love Daniel Tiger, Peppa Pig, and Forky from Toy Story 4. They like to color as much as their big siblings do, and they constantly dive into their bag of Color Wonder markers and paper and start creating. They got a little remote control car for their birthday that they are surprisingly good at driving around, and they adore all their little choo-choo books. Cars, trains, balls, and blocks are their usual toys of choice, and they are very good at playing by themselves. Playing peek-a-boo is one of their favorites, they have learned to start telling knock-knock jokes, and their snuggle blankets and plugs are still their lifelines.

Their vocabulary is getting better by the day. Nat often strings his whole lineup of words together into a funny little sentence: cheese, apple, bye-bye, nigh-night, NO! (how Forky says What?! Nooo! in his shorts). Mama, Daddy, Babo (how he says Daniel for Daniel Tiger), Peppa, snort (like Peppa does), shoes, nuggle for his snuggle blanket, bu for his plug. He’s also good at carrot, banana (or a version thereof), spoon, Elmo, ball, football, hat, choo-choo, baby, ribbit for frog, moo, neigh, quack-quack for duck, a funny little tongue gobble noise for turkey, pa-pa for Packers, hot dog, poop, hoo-hoo, owl, cup, hello, chair.

Avit has much the same, but his aren’t always as clear as Nat’s: all done, thank you, what sounds like all done but means apple, dan-dan for Daniel Tiger, she-she for fish (maybe trying to say fishie? who knows on that one), quack-quack for duck, choo-choo, stop (he has a collection of tiny street signs and stop light that are his favorites, so he says stop to mean he wants to get them all out), star, lights, dye for bye, Mama, Dada, mwah while blowing kisses, here it is!, hot dog, blue (and he recognizes blue now, too!), moo, baa, hi, sit, chair, hat, oh no. He also still does his long strings of unintelligible chatter with hand movements, which are hilarious.

They both do a growly voice for Cookie Monster every time they see him. Avit loves to come running to me while I’m standing in the kitchen, wrap me in a gigantic hug, then turn and run back into the living room while waving bye and blowing kisses. I always play along and say, “Bye, I love you, have a great trip, see you later,” when he goes back to the living room. It is then repeated over and over, and I love it. I’ve started singing Twinkle, Twinkle to him at nap and bedtimes because he adores stars, and it often works wonders to calm him if he’s crying or doing his pre-bedtime crazies when I hold him tightly and sing right next to his cheek and ear.

Nat loves to look right at you, nod, and blink multiple times in a row to say yes or agree with something, but his favorite answer by far is no. Even when he really means yes. Morrison loves to play this game with him – ask him every question under the sun and hear him say no to everything, even when his answer would obviously be yes. He is getting better at saying yes when you ask him something that he does actually want, but for the longest time all he would answer to anything was no. The big kids all get the biggest kick out of it.

For as cute as they are, they can be super naughty. Avit’s retort when he gets in trouble is always to spit and try to hit something or throw his toys, which enrages me. Nat has now started copy catting and spitting, too, but his is less of a direct spit and more of a subtle raspberry blowing. Like, I really want to spit like Avit does, but I know I’ll get in trouble, so I’ll just kind of blow a little raspberry to the side and hope I get away with that. Cute, but annoying. I hate spitting, and thankfully none of the other kids ever did it. So where these 2 picked it up, I have no idea. Avit has gotten hot sauce in his mouth for spitting like Lana did when she was his age, it has happened twice, and he hates it. It does deter him from spitting again for a while, so hopefully one of these days it’ll stop for good. They’ve also started climbing out of their cribs and onto my bed when they’re supposed to be napping or quietly watching a show in the early mornings while I get ready before school. NOOOOOO!!!!!

They do a good job playing together and I can still get them to sit in the playpen for a little while so I can go downstairs to ride the bike, although Nat does climb out, run into the kitchen, hear me shout for him to get back in, then run back to the living room and climb back in with Avit until I come back up. Our house is the exact opposite of soundproof, so there is not one ounce of stealth or secrecy in his escapes. They are terrible at sharing, though, and Nat is the worst about stealing stuff right from Avit and making him scream. They adore the big 3 like nobody’s business, and it is pretty amazing to see how much the big 3 love making the “babies” laugh and play. I think in my mind it’ll always be the big 3 and the twins, never the 5. The twins are getting to the age where it’s easier for them to play with the big 3 instead of the big 3 having to hide their stuff when they play so the babies don’t destroy whatever it is they’re doing. That’s a huge step and makes things so much easier.

2 years down. The second was definitely more work than the first due to constant corralling and chasing and cleaning up, whereas the first was hard due to utter sleep deprivation. That has gotten slightly better since the middle-of-the-night wakeups are few and far between now, but they do wake up far too early. On school days my alarm goes off at 5:40, and Nat has usually awoken before that. I make him lie back down until I get up, though, at which point I turn on the TV in our room for them to watch PBS Kids while I get ready and get everything going for the big kids. They do still go to bed around 6:00 in the evening, though, so that saves much of my sanity.

The twins! They’re 2! Crazy. We don’t have true babies anymore, and it’s so strange to me to say that we’ll never have a baby or a 1 year old in this house again. On the morning of their birthday I started thinking about the girls’ 2nd birthdays, and the fact that these two are our last 2 year olds hit me like a tidal wave of emotion. It is definitely less bittersweet because there are 2 of them at the same time and it’s all much harder this time around than it ever was with 1 baby, but it’s still its own version of bittersweet nonetheless.

Happy 2nd birthday, Nat Jennings and Avit Jerome!! You two are an amazing duo, and I still can’t believe we have twins! We all love you so very, very much, and I love seeing the wonderful little boys you are becoming. Our family is certainly louder, but full of so, so much love with you two in it!

Here are their official 2 year old stats:

Nat:

  • Height: 35″ (72%)
  • Weight: 27 lbs. 8 oz. (42%)
  • BMI: 15.8 kg/m2 (27%)

Avit:

  • Height: 35″ (72%)
  • Weight: 31 lbs. (82%)
  • BMI: 17.8 kg/m2 (80%)

Now the weights aren’t the most accurate since neither of them would stand still on the scale long enough, so we’ll just call those close approximations. Avit is obviously still much heavier than Nat, though.

I know I forgot to do this with their 18-month post, but here are some posterity stats: size 5 diapers, size 6 overnights, size 24 months or 2T clothes, Avit size 8-9 shoe (but they pretty much never wear shoes, just slippers), Nat size 7-8 shoe. And here are 2-year-old comparisons with the other 3:

Now the best comparisons, the pictures! As usual, Della, Lana, Morrison, Nat, and Avit. Unfortunately I couldn’t find another one of those Elmo 2 candles that the big 3 all used on their 2nd birthdays, so I got the twins matching 2s instead. We’ll keep Elmo for someone’s 12th birthday. 😀