September 2013 – Jocelyn Rau

September 16, 2013

Her first BFF

Della has a little troupe of girls with whom she likes to play the most in the kids care room at the gym, and I just love it. I simply cannot get enough of seeing these tiny little girls running around together, laughing, playing, singing, being silly, and just embodying the true spirit of children.

There is one little girl in particular who Della absolutely adores, Josie, and the feeling is 100% mutual. It’s so cute, I just can’t get over it. Josie’s mom is an instructor at the gym and only teaches a class there 1 morning a week, so it’s not even like they’re playing together constantly. But there is just a friendship there that has grown so strong that they both talk about each other nonstop.

Josie’s mom told me last week that every time Josie makes up a story, Della is the main character with her on her adventures. And with Della, it’s the exact same way. Josie always makes the top of the list of friends whenever we’re talking about other people. And both Josie’s mom and I are amazed at how much they love each other, since they only see one another for such a short amount of time each week.

Della has started her first little dance class at the gym on Monday mornings, and today was bring a friend day. So when I saw Josie’s mom leaving the gym last week, I asked if they would be around today and would Josie like to come to dance class as Della’s friend. She thought it sounded like a great idea and said she hoped their schedule was free so Josie could make it. I said great! No need to let me know for sure, just come on in if it works, and if it doesn’t, no big deal at all.

Yesterday I told Della that Josie might be coming to the gym 2 times this week so she could go to dance class with her, and she was so excited. So you can only imagine how thrilled I was when I saw Josie and her mom walk in this morning that Della and Josie were going to get to play together all morning in the kids room, as well as overload the dance studio with their cuteness for the class. We even brought a special extra bag of fruit snacks for Josie just in case she showed up, since she always brings one to give to Della.

Josie’s mom and I peeked in the studio door once the class started, and I just about died they were so incredibly adorable. Just picture 2 tiny little bodies (Josie doesn’t turn 3 until November, so she’s smaller than D), hopping around, swinging in circles, trying to imitate their teacher. Josie even had on a little ballet outfit complete with pink skirt, and I could barely stand how fun it was to see them in there together.

Josie’s mom said Josie was so excited to come this morning and dance with Della that she was literally jumping up and down at home beforehand. My mama heart nearly exploded when I heard that. Knowing that a little friend cares about Della so much and is so genuine just makes me smile to no end. So much better than that stupid little troll at the family holiday party this past winter. Oh, did I just say that out loud? Sorry.

Unfortunately they live in a different school district than we do, because I was really hoping D and Josie would get to grow up in school together. Guess we’ll just have to keep getting these little ones together to play outside of their future school days, so they really can grow into full-fledged BFFs.

September 10, 2013September 10, 2013

The power of weaning

I’ve been meaning to write this post for months, but, like the rest of my well-intended tales, everything else has taken precedence. So for those of you still wondering how the weaning process went this time around with Lana, please read on.

Unlike Della, who slept through the night by 3 months and never stopped, Lana was never a good sleeper. The longest stretch she ever slept through was 5 nights in a row, and oddly enough that was when my mom, the girls, and I went out to Tucson in February. Otherwise it was maybe every other night, if that. Then by the time she was 5, 6, 7 months old, her sleep had regressed terribly. She was waking pretty much every night, sometimes 2 or even 3 times a night. We were quickly going insane.

I took her into the doctor the day after her 7 month birthday for a sick visit, because I thought she might have an ear infection or 2 due to the amount of coughing, congestion, and ear pulling she was doing. Of course her ears looked perfect so there was nothing wrong there, but our pediatrician thought she probably had an upper respiratory infection of sorts, possibly left over from the croup she had at 6 months.

While there, she asked about her sleeping, and I described how horrible it had gotten. She was surprised and said that was not normal. I then brought up the subject of stopping breastfeeding, not because of the sleeping, but just because I was sick of it. Yes, I said it. I was starting to hate nursing Lana, especially when those multiple nightly wake-ups could often only be resolved by nursing her back to sleep. It was exhausting and annoying, and I had had enough.

I don’t know if it was because this was the second time around and I knew how the whole breastfeeding routine went from having done it with Della, or what, but that “magical mother-child bond” that everyone describes when they talk about breastfeeding was just not there anymore. Lana had always been a good eater and my supply was overabundant again, so there was no issue there. It was just time to be done.

As soon as I mentioned that I was kind of wanting to stop breastfeeding, the doctor said yes, let’s go ahead and wean her. Not a hint of hesitation. Yahoo! Sign me up. As much as I didn’t want to have to start paying for formula, I was so relieved she was actually recommending what I had secretly been hoping for and I wasn’t crazy for wanting to stop nursing my baby. Plus I was overjoyed to not have to mess with breastfeeding and pumping during the summer again, especially since this was just weeks before we were going on our big road trip out west.

I thought the whole weaning from breastmilk to formula process was going to be hellish and take forever, since the 1 time I tried to give Della formula she absolutely refused it and it was a disaster, so I was overjoyed that it turned out to be so much easier than I ever expected. The day after that doctor visit I tried giving her the first bottle of breastmilk mixed with formula – just 2 oz. of formula and 4 oz. of breastmilk. No dice. She wanted nothing to do with it. Well shit.

The next day I tried again, going with a little less formula mixed in, plus I heated the bottle, something I hadn’t done the day before. Much better. She drank the whole thing no problem. I think that was the key – the heating, not necessarily the ratio. Because after that I started increasing the amount of formula in each bottle pretty quickly.

She was fully weaned within 1 week, and, the best part of all this, she was consistently sleeping through the night within 2 weeks. Thank god!! I had no idea how powerful this was going to be for her sleeping, but I am now a full believer. From the start of the weaning process we gave her a full 8 oz. bottle at night before bed, something we continue to this day. She doesn’t always drink all of it, and a good number of times at the start she’d drink too much and then throw a bunch of it up, but at least we know she’s getting a good amount before sleeping. That was one problem with breastfeeding – I never knew how much she was actually taking, so if she got sleepy before she was actually full, that was probably why she’d wake up so much at night.

Plus the whole having to bounce her to sleep in my arms and then being deathly afraid of waking her when I placed her in her crib had gotten so incredibly irritating. When we started the weaning process that all changed too. No longer did we wait until she was asleep to put her in bed, but we put her down awake. That’s when her love of the big soft green monkey began as well. I knew she liked being snuggled into someone to fall asleep, so I just placed the monkey next to her in her crib because it was the biggest stuffed animal she had. Worked like a charm, and now as soon as she grabs it she knows it’s time to go to sleep, either for a nap or at night.

Since we did a gradual weaning transition with Lana instead of the abrupt stoppage that Della did on her own, me getting my milk supply to stop was kind of a nightmare. With D I did the whole cold cabbage leaves over 1 weekend, and that was that. This time I tried to just decrease the amount I pumped each day a little at a time over a couple week span, and it sucked. I would get so engorged that I couldn’t help but pump to relieve the pain, then everything would fill back up, and I’d have to go through it all again.

The thing that finally worked was pumping out just a tiny bit to alleviate the excruciating pain 1 side was causing me about 6 days after I had last pumped, and that was the solution. My method of simply not pumping at all was obviously not working. After that both sides were pretty much done in a matter of days. I did have to contend with some clogged ducts, which took me about another week to fully hand express, but there was no real supply left to speak of. That all took place during the first 2 weeks of June, so roughly 3-4 weeks after the weaning began.

And I did not miss any of it one bit. Whew.

So there you have it. Nope, didn’t make the 1 year breastfeeding mark with this one either, but honestly, I didn’t care. I was so ready to be done, that had I tried to continue it for another 5 months I think we all would have been much worse off than we are now. Ryan and I would have been utter zombies, I’m almost positive Lana would not be the wonderful sleeper she is now, and Della probably would have just run away from home since the rest of us would have been so mad all the time.

Now that Lana’s fast approaching her 1st birthday, too, (what?!?!) the days of paying for formula are also numbered. That wasn’t so bad. I finally switched to the CVS brand from Enfamil a few months ago after discovering that it’s essentially the exact same thing for almost $10 less per tub, so I saved us a little money there. Whole milk here she comes!

Thank you, baby formula, for turning our once sleepless monster into a well-rested, easy-to-bed, happy little girl. I will be forever grateful.

September 5, 2013

A revelation?

Or maybe more like me just finally making up my mind? Whichever.

But anyway, last week I got an email from a guy with whom I used to work at Stark saying that a hedge fund in Milwaukee had a trading position opening, and would I mind if he passed along my contact information? Sure, why not? Although I’m not actively searching for a full-time job again right now, it can’t hurt to just keep my name out there for any future possibilities. Right?

So I got a call from the CEO/head trader/all-around big wig of this company last Friday afternoon, before I had even had a chance to speak with a guy in Chicago who was actually the one who knows said CEO to find out any details of what the deal was. Confused yet? Yeah, so was I.

Here’s the skinny – the guy with whom I used to work heard about this opening from a broker who covers him in Chicago, and the guy in Chicago was to whom the guy I know gave my info. The guy I know didn’t give my info directly to the hedge fund, as he hadn’t even personally heard of them. Ok, whatever you say, sure I’ll talk to him.

So once I heard the voicemail from the hedge fund CEO, I contacted the Chicago guy to get some low-down. I didn’t want to just call the hedge fund back having no idea of any particulars and go into a potentially important conversation completely blind. Fortunately I was able to speak with the Chicago guy later on last Friday afternoon to find out what the hubbub was all about.

And the more he spoke, the more I involuntarily fell in love with the position. It sounded like almost exactly what I did at Stark, which is what I would ever want to do again if I were to reenter this field; he said it’s an extremely family-friendly company; they’ve all been together for over a decade with no one having ever left (this opening actually occurred because one of their traders passed away suddenly. yikes!); they trade very simple, straightforward North American stocks, with none of the incredibly complicated exotic securities that I had to wrestle with at Stark; and there are only 11-12 people in the entire firm.

I got off the phone and immediately told Ryan it sounded almost too good to be true. If I were to hand pick another full-time hedge fund job, this appeared to be the one. I started thinking that I might have no choice but to go back to a full-time gig due to this one in a million opportunity. I didn’t even want to begin thinking in that vein again, but it almost felt like I couldn’t not.

I didn’t want to bug the CEO over the long holiday weekend, since he had called me from his cell phone in Arizona, so I was going to just call him at the office this past Tuesday. Well he called me again first thing Tuesday morning when I was at work, so I finally spoke with him Tuesday afternoon and was meeting with him in their office by 5:00 that same day. Yowza!

I kept saying to Ryan that I just wished I would find 1 thing I didn’t like about this seemingly perfect job to make my decision to not want it plain and simple, but up to that point I couldn’t. I was so torn – I had been struggling all weekend with the thought of having to go back to that routine and trying to get both girls into our old daycare center within the next couple weeks if this all panned out as beautifully as it was presented vs. my obvious desire to stay home with them as long as possible when they’re little.

So off I went to the hedge fund Tuesday afternoon, my head swirling with the thought that I might actually be going back to work so suddenly.

And on my way there it hit me. This was not what I wanted to be doing.

I missed having the girls with me.

I missed hearing their laughter and “conversations” from the backseat.

I heard Lana’s car seat toys rattling around and missed knowing that her tiny body was back there, too.

That singular car ride made me realize that I am not ready to go back to work full-time. I want to be here with our children for every day that I can. I adore the fact that I take them with me when I go to work right now, can see them any minute I want, and then we all go home together when I’m done.

But there was still that nagging feeling of how could I turn down an absolutely perfect fit?

Thankfully my decision was kind of made for me once I got there – it wasn’t a perfect fit after all. First of all, everyone was wearing suits. I’m sorry, I know MANY people wear suits to work every day and don’t think twice about it, but that is 1 thing I hated about working in NYC. A few months after starting at Lehman they switched back to wearing suits from the business casual rule they had when I started, and it sucked. I don’t want to have to drop another $500-$1,000 on some stuffy outfits that I’ll hate every second of wearing and will never wear outside that job.

Secondly, one of guys with whom I met was a total lump. The CEO was a good guy – very personable, warm, easy to talk to, actually reminded me of one of my uncles with some of his mannerisms and expressions, and just seemed to be an all-around nice guy. The other one who joined him, however, ugh. He sat there practically silent the whole time, made himself a cup of tea and was apparently much more interested in it than anything that I had to offer, and just kind of shrugged when the CEO asked him if he had anything to add. And I guess he was the one under whom I would mainly be working in this position. Huh? No thanks.

I did get kind of a smug sense of satisfaction at one point in the conversation, though. The CEO asked me what my job search was like right now and I said honestly, I’m really not pursuing one. He said so someone just contacted you about this position out of the blue? Yep, you got it, buddy. Why so surprised? Do I not strike you as that good that one of your brokers would actually recommend me sight unseen and totally unsolicited? Well you’d better believe it. (no, i did not say all that, but you know that’s exactly what i was thinking)

So I just got kind of an unsettled taste in my mouth for the whole thing after I had that meeting, which solidified my notion that I really want to be staying home with the girls. They said they have a number of candidates they’re considering and are still in the resume collecting stage right now so it’ll be a couple weeks before they have any sort of decision made, but I’m not expecting to hear back at all. And I’m totally ok with that. It’s funny because I didn’t even think that meeting was going to be an interview, more just a fact-finding mission from my end, but I guess they felt differently. No skin off my back. Fortunately I would not have treated what I thought was a “real” interview any differently, so I’m fine with how things went down.

After my 1st phone conversation with the Chicago guy I asked Ryan what he thought I should do. Much to my amazement (and delight), he said he would actually prefer I find a better-paying part-time job so I could stay home with the girls until they’re fully in school, meaning until Lana is in kindergarten. Sa-weet!

Unfortunately, the WAC is not the solution to that criterion, so I have again begun my search for some sort of online proofreading job in earnest. If anyone anywhere knows of something, or even of a good resource I could use to find something, please let me know! I’ve said it before, but I’m actually a really good proofreader and even started my own little business for it. Check out that JEditing button all the way down at the bottom of the page.

So there you have it. It feels good to finally know what I really want my plan to be and how I can go about making it happen. Now I just need to find that 1 steady proofreading job that will get me up and running, and I’ll be golden.

September 3, 2013September 4, 2013

10 month stats

Lana turned 10 months old 2 weeks ago tomorrow. Gheesh, can you tell I’m way behind on my blogging this summer?

Let’s see what’s changed since last month’s update, shall we?

She crawls everywhere, and as fast as possible. The army crawl/belly flop has now been left completely in the past, and when she really gets moving she puts her head down and barrels forward like a little bulldog. She chases Della around the house like crazy (or Della crawls with her a lot too), or chases us down and tries to climb our pant legs when she doesn’t want to be put down on the floor.

She pulls herself up on everything and walks in between and around furniture like nobody’s business. Her standing alone ability is improving too, but so far those real first steps all by herself haven’t happened yet. But seeing how far she’s come in her standing since last month, I’m sure walking is somewhere in the near future.

She eats basically all of her meals by herself now. I love it! Feeding an infant baby food is not one of my favorite activities, so now that she can feed herself, it makes my job at meal times so much easier. We only have 4 cups of frozen pureed sweet potatoes left, then it’s goodbye baby food. Hooray! Fortunately she’s loved everything she’s eaten so far too – hard boiled eggs, cheese, toast, cereal, cantaloupe, black beans, peas, mixed veggies, crackers, pasta (loves mac and cheese!), blueberries and strawberries (halved or quartered, don’t worry), bananas… I’m sure I’ve forgotten something she’s had to this point, but you get the picture. She’s a great eater. She has begun drinking water from a sippy cup, too, which is nice for after meals.

Sleeping is still going wonderfully, thank heavens. She drinks her bottle before bed (we make an 8 oz. one and she usually drinks most of it), we give everyone goodnight kisses, then she goes down awake with her green monkey and nightlight on. Works like a charm. I really cannot stress enough how much this bedtime routine has saved our sanity. We were just talking about how terrible her sleeping was a few months ago the other day, and it truly has been a 180 degree change since then. I didn’t think in my wildest dreams I’d ever say this, but yay for formula! I think she’s officially down to 2 naps now, too – a mid-late morning one and an afternoon one when Della naps.

Her little “words” are still hysterical, with lots of “da-da” sounds. I can’t tell if she’s just jabbering or really trying to say “Dada” or “Della”. We shall see. She is also great at saying “Hi” and waving, so I’m calling that her official first word. She knows how to put things up to her ear and say hi too, like she’s talking on the telephone. It’s really good!

Like last month, she wears size 3 diapers in the daytime, 4 in overnights, and pretty much all size 12 month clothes. She has 8 teeth now, 4 on top and 4 on the bottom, and you can see the big white outlines of where her top incisors are going to come down too. It looks crazy. One of my sisters dubbed her “SpongeBob” with her 2 big front teeth coming in and her giant blue eyes, and I actually think it’s a pretty fitting moniker.

Sorry, I’m getting kind of lazy with these monthly collages, but they’re a pain to piece together. Maybe I’ll get ambitious and actually make next month’s the right way.