Back in an instant

Tonight I was the chosen one to read Della’s bedtime stories, so we had the obligatory rocking session afterward before she got into bed. She had a really full day today, with 2 trips to the park, more outside play at home, and barely an hour nap when she’s usually out for a solid 2 or more. Plus there was a little “in trouble” episode between lunch and her nap, so that added some stress in there.

Long way to say I knew she was very sleepy. Unfortunately she didn’t get to bed as early as I had wanted her to, but maybe she’ll sleep in a little in the morning to make up for it.

As she was settling into her positions while rocking, it happened. She rolled onto her back in my left arm with her right hand on her cheek, and she put her left hand up on my left shoulder. Exactly like she did years ago when I wrote this post.

I was immediately transported back in time to that night. It was even warm then just as it was tonight, because I was wearing a tank top in both episodes. Thinking back it seemed like eons ago, because she still took a bedtime bottle, and little Lana was not even a thought. I watched her face tonight as my mind undertook its time travel, and I was just struck by how utterly amazing children are.

When they’re born it’s impossible to envision who they’re going to be, how they’re going to grow, what path their lives will take, and you become 100% enveloped in their survival. Then one day you get caught at just the right moment and that very first day of their life seems so incredibly far away. And you wonder how in the world did we get here so fast?

That’s why I was so grateful for that one little moment tonight. It was like I was sitting there with both Dellas at exactly the same time – the baby one who inspired me to write that post and the big girl one who is with us now. So beautifully the same and different.

She’s getting so big, it’s unbelievable. At the park today I was astonished at how much she’s grown just since the last time we were there last fall. I glanced over at her at one point and she had scampered all the way up the curved jungle gym bars that used to be way too dangerous for her to tackle alone. I still worry that her foot will slip through and that precious little face will be smashed, but I just stood back and let her go with some words of encouragement. Once she knew she could, she just kept climbing and climbing and climbing.

Della Jolee. She astounds me constantly with her mind – she’s so smart, and her memory is like a steel trap. Granted she only has 2.5 years of crap in there compared to my almost 34, but she remembers things to which I would never even give half a thought. We’ll be reading a book and all of a sudden she has to turn back a few pages or turn back to the cover or title page. And just as I’m about to ask what she’s doing, she’ll say, “see, match”, and she’s totally right. The page we were reading will have the same picture that’s shown on the page to which she turned. I would never in a million years put little things like that together. She pays so much attention.

Now that Lana’s here, I find myself constantly trying to remember what Della was like at each of these baby stages. What she looked like, what she did, how she acted, and for some reason it’s so hard to remember. It wasn’t even that long ago, but I’m just so used to the girl she is today that picturing her in her own baby stages is embarrassingly difficult.

She’s become a fan of saying “I get so big” lately, and she’s so very right. My big girl. 33 months old tomorrow. But still my baby girl in an instant. I don’t think that will ever change.