March 2013 – Jocelyn Rau

March 25, 2013March 22, 2013

An update. And pictures!

I’ve been meaning to write this post for awhile, but just haven’t found the time to actually sit down and do it. Imagine that with a toddler and infant in the house. Odd.

But fortunately things are feeling much better than they did a few months ago, when I wrote this post. The fog of not feeling like myself has finally lifted, and thankfully I think I’ve regained my parenting mojo. I no longer feel like having 2 kids is going to suffocate me; rather I feel like each day gets better than the last with these 2 little ones.

What has happened to changed my outlook? Well, for one, I got a job. It’s not a new career by any means, more just something to get me and the girls out of the house and interacting in society again. I work part-time at the front desk of the Wisconsin Athletic Club, a gym to which I belonged for years and at which I continued to work out with my trainer until she left just a few weeks ago.

I work anywhere from 2-4 days per week, 3-4 hours at a time. The girls and I get free memberships out of the deal too, but the best part, by far, is that they get to come with me while I work and stay in the kids care room for free. Free daycare?! That cannot be passed up. Now it isn’t an actual licensed daycare center, more just glorified babysitting, but still. Della gets to play with all the kids, they do story time and gym time, she takes her favorite “new lunchbox” every day; and Lana gets fed her bottles, diapers changed, tummy time, etc., so it’s absolutely perfect.

It gives me a nice little break from the parenting responsibilities a couple times a week and the girls get taken care of well, so it’s working out very smoothly right now. And I finally don’t feel like I’m about to lose my head trying to rush us out the door each time we go, so that helps too. Those first couple weeks I seriously felt like a complete whirling dervish every time I had to get the 3 of us ready to go in the mornings. Practice makes perfect, I guess. Or at least better.

Having a paycheck again is nice too, but the pay is definitely not why I’m there. A little is better than zero though, eh?

What else? I guess Lana getting out of the newborn stage has helped as well. I don’t feel completely tethered to a screaming baby anymore, which I think would make anyone happy. She has certainly mellowed in the past couple months, and I don’t have a tiny screaming head in my face so much anymore. She’ll give a good wail here and there still, but nothing like the early days when I almost went deaf a few times.

She’s getting easier, I think Della enjoys being around kids more often again, and the combination of those just makes my days all around better. I don’t feel trapped, I don’t feel anxious, I don’t feel like a terrible mom, I don’t feel like a terrible wife, I don’t feel like not me. I feel good again, and that feels great.

I do still need to work on the exercise part, as I haven’t been able to get in a good routine with timing workouts with my shifts at the gym, but hopefully I’ll get something going soon. I usually work from 9-noon or 9-1, which doesn’t leave enough time for me to get in as long a workout as I want before having to get Della home for her nap, and the kids room doesn’t open until 8, which doesn’t give me enough time before work either. So we’ll see what I can finagle there.

Also, it’s Spring. Even though the temperature belies the season right now, I am happy that the sun is at least shining. I started taking vitamin D in liquid drop form this winter to actually help slow my postpartum hair shedding, but I think it helped me feel better overall instead. It didn’t necessarily give me more energy, but I didn’t feel so run-down and tired all the time. I don’t think it did anything to help my hair stop falling out so much, though. That will just take time to get rid of all the built up pregnancy locks.

So there you have it. And for being such good listeners and readers, here are some recent pictures of the most adorable children ever created. What? I’m biased.

March 21, 2013March 21, 2013

5 month stats

Lana turned 5 months old today. That’s almost half a year!

We don’t have another well check until 6 months, so no official stats this time. But here is what I can tell you…

Sleeping. Well let’s see. I’d still call it hit or miss. She has now slept through as many as 5 nights in a row, but it’s not enough to call it a nightly occurrence. I have stopped changing her diaper if she wakes to eat, though, so that helps cut down the awake time in the middle of the night for both of us.

I think she did go through a bit of 4 month sleep regression, which was a nasty spell. For weeks she’d wake up crying within an hour of being put to bed not really needing anything but being lulled back to sleep, then wake again once or twice during the night to fuss and/or eat. The worst night of it all was the first night Ryan was out of town last week, and that was awful. Fortunately after that she started her 5 night sleep stretch, so hopefully she was getting the last of it out of her system. (KNOCK ON WOOD!!!)

I guess not sleeping consistently through the night at 5 months isn’t the end of the world, but I can’t help comparing it to Della, who slept through by 3 months and never looked back. Ah well. Lana is definitely her own person, that’s for sure.

Her napping is pretty good. She still usually gets 3 naps in a day, morning, afternoon, and evening. Sometimes if we’re at work she’s too busy to take a morning nap, so then she tends to take a longer one once we get home and I feed her, essentially combining her morning and afternoon ones. That works fine for me.

Eating. Still exclusively breastfed, eating every 2-3 awake hours during the day. I did try giving her her first taste of rice cereal a few weeks ago because she’s now so interested in watching us eat, but she didn’t really enjoy it. She was more enticed by the prospect of chewing on the spoon rather than actually trying to eat. No biggie. We didn’t start Della on solids regularly until around 6 months I think. It’s also just easier right now not having to worry about both nursing and actual feeding. I’m lazy, remember?

Physicality. This girl is constantly moving and wiggling! I call her my little squirm, because that’s what she always does. She can roll front to back no problem, and she is so close to rolling back to front as well. When on her back she’ll pull her legs up into a little bowling ball shape and tip all the way onto one side, but she can’t quite get her arms underneath her correctly to complete the roll.

I swear she’s ready to take off crawling, too. She can practically get onto her hands and knees when she’s on her stomach, and I’ve seen her do a pretty good downward dog imitation too. I looked over at her one day and she was in baby tripod mode with her feet planted on the blanket, pushing her tiny butt up into the air. Any time now, I tell ya. I keep forgetting I can’t leave her on the changing dresser anymore.

She’s pretty good at sitting with assistance, but when I try to have her sit by herself she still readily tips over. Last night I had her sitting in the boppy pillow on the couch, with the boppy around her stomach to kind of barricade her in. She liked it for a little while, but then she toppled over again so I just put her back on her play mat.

She also has the strongest abs ever. She can almost pull herself up to a sitting position from lying down as you start to pick her up. A budding athlete maybe?

Personality. Big. And loud. Lana chatters and shouts nonstop. And I mean shouts. She’ll be playing on her play mat, yanking at all the toys dangling from the arches above her, and I’ll hear all these high-pitched squeals and yells coming from her. Della and I always say she’s talking to her guys. I swear she’s commanding them, “Get down here and get in my mouth!!”

She makes the most adorable faces with the hugest smiles, too. Her tongue is her new favorite accessory, and watching her stick it out in all different directions is hysterical. She has learned to blow real raspberries too, which I love. Something must always be in her mouth, much more so than I ever remember with Della, and I mean always. She will literally lunge at whatever passes in front of her face to try and grab it with her gums.

And she’s a thumb sucker. I actually don’t mind this at all, because it’s much easier to deal with than having to replace the damn pacifier eighty billion times a day/night. I keep one arm out of her swaddle at night so she can get her thumb to calm her when she rustles around. Works like a charm. I sucked my thumb for years and my teeth are just fine.

I took the throw pillow out from under the jumperoo a few weeks ago, and she can now fully bounce herself with her little toes touching the floor. She was in there last night jumping and squealing with delight. So incredibly cute.

I think those are the main points for now. This one just keeps getting better and better, my little bugaboo. My sweet baby girl.

i swear, all of these really are the same child…

March 15, 2013

Week 1 vs. Week 20

I did it. I made it through my first trial as a solo parent and we all survived swimmingly. No broken bones, no lost children, no burned down house. Success!

Ryan was out of town from Monday night through today, so I had the girls at home by myself. Fortunately we drove down to my mom’s house yesterday afternoon so I didn’t have to spend that entire time fully alone, but still a good chunk of it. And just like last week, I’m pretty damn proud of myself.

I was a little leery of having to do both bedtimes with no help all week since that is my absolute least favorite time of day, but it ended up being a piece of cake. Della has been having some bedtime issues and slept in my bed 2 of the nights, but after night 1 of being kicked in the back for 8 hours I learned to barricade her on Ryan’s side with blankets so I could get a little better sleep the second night. I figured that was just easier than trying to get her to stay in her own bed over and over and over and over and over until I died of exhaustion and frustration. Pick your battles, people.

I think Lana has been going through some 4 month sleep regression, too, so I was afraid that did not bode well for a week alone either. I had never heard of this until I read this post awhile ago, but it all sounds like what we’ve been dealing with with Lana – waking up crying shortly after going to bed when I know she’s not hungry or wet, no longer sleeping anywhere close to through the night, having maximum night sleep stretches of 3-4 hours tops, and starting to wake up 2 or more times a night again with the only solution being nursing her back to sleep. Ridiculous. I was starting to go zombie again until I figured out what was going on. We were completely spoiled with Della since she slept through the night by 3 months of age and really had no consistent troubles that I can remember after that, but like I’ve said before, #2 here is just totally different.

That post I link to above by Brandy is an excellent reference for this, though. She has a number of links in there to other explanations of it, so I’m not going to bother repeating them here. But if you have a 4ish month old babe and are starting to go crazy with him/her suddenly breaking their new found sleeping abilities, read it. Fortunately I remembered it from when I read it the first time so I wasn’t totally shocked when Lana started doing this, but that still didn’t make the 12:00, 2:00, and 5:00 wake ups any easier. When she was a newborn, sure, those were expected. But at almost 5 months? No way, jack.

And unfortunately Monday night of this week was quite possibly the worst night she’s ever had in her almost 5 months on the outside. I shit you not. She woke up at 10:30 and I arm bounced her back to sleep; she woke again at 11:30 and refused to go back to sleep so I finally fed her again to quiet the screaming and put her back in her crib between 12:30-1; she started crying again but I was fed up with the antics and just let her test her lungs that time because I knew she just needed sleep, and fortunately she finally quieted herself after a few minutes; but then she woke again at 5:05 to eat before going back to sleep for a couple hours until her wake up for the day. I didn’t have to work on Tuesday so was hoping to sleep in a little after that night at the freak show, but Della got up at 7:30. Boo. No rest for the weary.

I worked Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday this week, so we’ll throw that into the mix of being on my own too. Actually, I guess that gave me a little break from them for those shifts, so that worked out ok. Plus getting the 3 of us ready in the mornings and to work on time is becoming much easier, so that part really wasn’t so bad. It was just knowing there was going to be no one at home later in the day to play with them that had me a little worried, but those worries turned out to be completely unfounded. I recorded the movie “Tangled” a few months ago, so Della and I watched that at night before bed and she loved it.

There were a couple wrenches in the week, however, because why wouldn’t there be? Murphy’s Law dictates that nothing in our household may run smoothly, so I shouldn’t have been surprised. Our recycling bin got frozen to the ground in a glacier of ice during the thaw and refreeze last week, which I never even gave thought to until I tried to wheel it out to the curb Tuesday night and realized it was not going anywhere. I tried pouring hot water around it and whacking at the ice with a shovel, and I even tried melting the ice around the bottom with a blow torch, but that sucker wasn’t budging. Well yes, we have a blow torch, doesn’t everyone? I was just proud of myself for figuring out how to use it without burning my hands or having it blow up in my face. And no, I didn’t melt any of the recycling bin plastic, either.

Fortunately we have amazing neighbors who filled up bins of their own with our recycling so I could at least empty some of it and who came over with ice melter and spent over an hour melting and shoveling the thing out, as well as wheeling it out to the curb for me as I put the girls down for naps. We seriously live on the best block ever. So, per the recycling truck driver’s instructions, I just called the village once it was out and the truck came back the next day and picked it up right before we left for my mom’s house. Excellent.

We are now at the mecca that is “Bapa’s house!”, as Della would say, so thankfully my single parent status has come to an end. But it’s funny – all week I have been comparing how I fared now to how I fared the very first week I was home alone with these 2 after Ryan went back to work and my mom left after the week she spent with us after Lana’s birth, and it’s like night and day.

Week 1 I was still so new to this 2 kid game that I honestly had no idea how we were going to survive. Multiple naps, multiple meals for each, maybe a bathroom break for me, trying to keep the house in some semblance of order, and feeling that total fog of new parenthood again. It was so hard. I kept everything on an even keel, but that first week alone scared the living shit out of me.

Week 20 was the week of “I got this”. Sure there were some things that had me slightly worried, as I said above, but in general I went into it thinking why bother fretting, I have to do this. I almost saw it as a challenge that I wanted to blow out of the water instead of a chore. And I did. There were no meltdowns, I didn’t lose my temper with anyone, I got the house cleaned and laundry done, and we all had fun together, just Mama and her girls. Quite a different mindset from the beginning.

But am I happy to have helping hands again now? Oh hell yes.

week 1

week 20

March 7, 2013

I’m a pretty damn good mom after all

That’s basically all I wanted to say, but it feels good to actually “say” it out loud. It feels like it’s taken a long time to get here. (even though i haven’t really been a mom all that long, but whatever)

Sure I have bad days, but I know I’m not alone in that. And lately the good days have begun to far, far outnumber the bad ones. I’m getting into the swing of my new job and loading the girls up to go with me there, and that new routine is finally starting to feel more natural.

Oh yeah, I got a job. I’m planning a bigger “update” post wherein I explain all that, but in a nutshell I started working part-time at the front desk at the gym to which I’ve belonged for years. So far it’s going great. But like I said, more on that later.

This post is about me feeling good in my motherhood again. Being home with 2 is definitely harder than not being home with 1, since I worked full-time for the first 2 years of Della’s life. And as I’ve admitted before, it was a lot harder than I expected and allowed myself to believe at first. But honestly I do feel like I’m better getting the hang of it all.

Della and Lana are my little buddies now instead of simply my charges. Della gets excited to go to “Mama’s new work”, especially when we pack up her lunchbox. One of the girls in the kids care room where D & L go while I work told me this morning that Della was having a blast showing off her “new lunchbox” to everyone. I love how she refers to it as that, since we’ve had it in the cupboard for years. New to her though, I guess.

And Lana is definitely mellowing and becoming more fun to be around. Her crying jags are much fewer and far between, and dare I say on their way out? Now when she cries I know she’s obviously hungry or sleepy, depending on the time of day (or night still, unfortunately). Her smiles and huge blue eyes are the most beautiful things ever, and the chatter she squawks out is hysterical.

Seeing little shining moments in the girls’ days are also helping confirm my new found Mama conviction. When I dropped the two of them off in the kids care room at work today, Della walked over to a little boy who was standing near the cabinets by the sink. He must have been about her age, as he was a little shorter than her. She just wanted to see what he was doing, but when she walked up, he put his hand up on her chest in a “go away” motion. Instantly, flashbacks of those little bitches at the family party came back to me and I was heart-broken again. (what, i can call them that, they’re family) She didn’t see me watching this, however, and she went and sat down at one of the little tables in the room by herself.

I told this tale to that same girl who works in the kids care room later in the morning when she was out at the front desk, and she said oh poor Della! Yeah, that’s what I thought too! But she said don’t worry, they started coloring right after that and she was totally fine. Incident long forgotten. Which I assumed, but I was just happy to know that Della didn’t push the kid back or anything like that. She just walked away and did her own thing. I’d like to think I had a hand in forming her sweet, mild nature, but maybe it’s just innate. I’ll keep telling myself I at least helped, though.

So that’s all. I just felt really good about myself and the girls today, and wanted to write that out. Thank you for listening, as always.

i really, really love this little face.

the constant wonder in her eyes is such a marvelous thing.

March 2, 2013March 3, 2013

4 month stats

Lana turned 4 months old about a week and a half ago, but the girls and I were on vacation so I haven’t gotten around to updating ye old blog until now.

Here are the stats from her 4 month checkup:

Height: 25.5″ (50-75%)
Weight: 13 lbs. 8.25 oz. (50-75%)
Head: 50-75%

Her doctor was again surprised that her height wasn’t in a higher percentile, but I’m sure she’ll sprout soon enough. She did say, however, that Lana is a perfect child, so I’ll take that. She thinks the bright blue eyes will stay, too, about which I’m thrilled.

This past month was a big one. We’ve dropped the pacifier (except for emergency public situations), seen her roll over from front to back for the first time and many times since, heard her first real laugh, and went on her first airplane. She’s also starting to string together multiple nights of sleeping all the way through, which makes me very happy.

I said she was getting more vocal in her 3 month stats post, but now she really has a lot to say. She still wakes up with huge smiles and usually just starts from there. Coos, gurgles, squeaks, shouts, na-nas… I love it. I say she’s telling everyone her “stories”. The best is when she gets so animated with her toys trying to get them in her mouth; she honestly shouts at them. Della says she’s talking to her guys when she does it, since that’s what I call the toys that hang from the arches on her playmat.

Her hands are constantly in her mouth, as is anything she can get in her hands. Squeaky balls, rings, chew rattles, you name it. She especially enjoys sucking on your finger. So if you pick up my baby, just wash your hands first, because there’s about a 150% chance she will grab your hand and shove it in her mouth. It’s hilarious, because sometimes she actually lunges at it like a little piranha.

I swear those blue eyes just keep getting bigger, too. She is constantly looking around; loves watching faces and mouths; and makes the cutest “biggie eyes” face you’ve ever seen. These faces are often accompanied by a constant drool stream, which is her new favorite accessory. I can’t see any teeth poking through in there yet, but all this drool might be a sign that they’re getting close. We are now in bib territory.

Her first (and second) airplane ride last week went better than I could have ever expected. On the way out to Tucson she took a bottle before takeoff, sucked on her pacifier (yes, i caved and gave it to her to prevent a screaming fit) for a few minutes after that, then slept on Grandma’s lap for the entire rest of the 4 hour flight. Hallelujah! On our return trip she was equally as pleasant. She was asleep in the carrier on me for takeoff and the first part of the flight, then ate a bottle, played with Grandma again for awhile, took another bottle shortly before landing, and didn’t make a peep the whole time. Whew!

She still can’t reach the floor in the jumperoo, so the throw pillow remains under her feet. She is, however, already growing out of some of her 3 month clothing – a lot of pj’s have returned to the attic storage, and a couple cute little outfits won’t be far behind. She is in the process of switching up to size 2 diapers, too. Growing like a little flower, I tell ya.

She is the cutest thing ever, and I just love how she smells. I can still get her to nap on my shoulder sometimes, which I cherish. Since ditching the pacifier, naps are still a little hit or miss, but she generally takes one during the early-mid part of the day (sometimes morning and afternoon) and almost always an evening one.

Bedtime is still usually anytime between 8-9, then I cross my fingers that she sleeps through the night. On vacation she slept through 5 out of 7 nights, but since we’ve been home she hasn’t had a repeat performance. I think she has had a little bit of a cold though, with some congestion and hoarse cries, so that could be the culprit. But I have cut out the diaper change when she wakes during the night, so if I hear her starting to squeak or cry, I just feed her and get her back to sleep as quickly as possible.

We’re still doing all breastmilk, which I’ll probably continue for a little while. She is very interested in watching you eat now, so I did try a little rice cereal the other night. She was much more interested in chewing on the spoon than actually getting anything to stay in her mouth, so I’ll wait a little bit before trying again. No rush for me on that one.

Her cranky spells are much fewer and far between now, which is a nice change. I say she’s mellowing in her old age. She is very content playing on the floor now, either on her stomach or back, as long as she has plenty of toys on which to chew. She’ll start to fuss and let you know it’s time to pick her up when she’s had enough or when she gets tired still, but it’s fortunately nothing like it used to be.

I think those are the highlights for this month. Here are the monthly comparison pictures so far – I swear she looks like a completely different baby! Her hair looks like it’s getting red in the 4 month shot, but it’s not really. It’s still dark brown, there’s just so much less of it now. I do love this one so, my sweet baby girl.