Month: January 2013

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The midnight hours

You know the ones. The ones where the house is still. The ones where the messes are cleaned. The ones where the mouths are silent and the bodies are tucked snugly in bed. The ones where all is quiet.

Except my mind.

It’s deep in the heart of early morning, and Lana has just gone back down after her (usually) once-nightly feeding. I climb wearily back into bed and listen to her trying to drift back off to the land of nod. Sometimes she does it; sometimes she needs a little help from her friend Blue, a.k.a. the pacifier.

So wouldn’t it rightly follow that I should do the same?

One would think, yes.

But no. That’s usually when it starts. That’s when my brain decides to wake up, instead of saving its capacity for the daytime hours, when I really need it.

I need to make a checklist for the store. What do I need to get done around the house tomorrow? Or, more correctly, I guess it’s really today now. What are Della and I going to do today? When is such-and-such going to get done on the house? How should we do such-and-such on the house? Who needs to be bathed today? Should I make coffee when I get up or go right to breakfast if I have time?

Who cares??

Just settle and enjoy the last hours of the night. You need to. Whatever comes today will take care of itself, with no worrying from your midnight thoughts needed.

Just go.

Sleep… sleep… sleep…

 

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3 month stats

L 3 mos

Lana turned 3 months old yesterday. She has now spent a whole trimester on the outside! I never thought of it that way before. Hmm, interesting.

We don’t have her next doctor checkup until 4 months, though, so I don’t have any official stats to share this time. But I’ll fill you in on how life with L is progressing and what’s changed since her last update.

Sleep. Well let’s see. She has been consistently down to waking up once a night to eat since around 2 months, but she hasn’t mastered sleeping through the night all the time yet like Della had by 3 months. She has done it 3 times, once for 2 nights in a row on New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day, but unfortunately that trend did not last.

Her last feeding before bed is usually around 8:30 now, but it still takes awhile for her to actually get to sleep enough to go into her crib without waking back up. So I get her diaper changed, swaddle her up for the night, feed her, then arm bounce her with her pacifier for generally half an hourish until she’s really out. Sometimes it takes longer, sometimes it takes less. And I know you’re not supposed to wait until a baby’s completely asleep to put her down so she can get used to putting herself to sleep, but I call horseshit on that one right now. Lana most definitely needs to be asleep for at least her bedtime or else you’re going to stand there playing dropped it got it with the pacifier for hours. That’s not my favorite game.

Her nightly wake up feedings typically occur around 3-4am still, but she’s gotten fussier about going back down most of the time. I used to be able to just change her, feed her, and she’d be ready to be put back down, but now when I burp her she wakes up and wants to play the staring game. So then I’ll use the pacifier again, which tends to be relatively fast-acting.

What else? Daytimes still have fairly little structure. She’ll take roughly an hour nap within about an hour of waking up and her morning feeding. Then the middle of the day is kind of hit or miss, depending on her mood that day. But then there’s usually another hourish nap in the evening before her bedtime feeding. I have noticed, however, that she tends to take a pretty long nap at some point during the day, it’s just not quite at the same time each day. So I guess that’s about 3 naps a day?

She’s still exclusively breastfed, nursing about 6-7 times a day, including the late night feeding. Some days there might be 1 more in there somewhere. And we’re still doing 1 bottle a day containing her vitamin drops. She has started becoming very distracted and chatty during her feedings, which can get a little annoying because they just take longer. She still eats well overall though, so I guess I can’t complain much.

The cranky spells have decreased since she was first born, but she can still wail with the best of them. The other day she high-pitched screamed in our faces, which always leads Ryan to believe she’s colicky. He actually looked it up again online, and apparently when babies pull their legs up into their chests quickly and seem to be “running” a lot it can be a symptom of colic. Trying to relieve the gas or whatever’s causing pain in there. Lana constantly has legs in motion. And the fact that her screaming fits always start with her going stiff as a board also points to some colic. But thankfully she still has never yelled for hours on end and will calm when you hold her, which I think is a good sign that she doesn’t have full-blown colic.

Her smiles and “stories” she tells are the best. My favorite is in the morning when I unswaddle her and her little arms instantly fly up next to her head in a huge stretch accompanied by a gigantic smile. She sure is a charmer when she’s not shouting at you.

I put her in the jumperoo for the first time today too. She can’t sit on her own or stand yet, but she’s so squirmy and active all the time I thought she might like something a little more stimulating than lying on her playmat. I think she likes it. She can’t touch the floor yet, just like Della when we first put her in it, so I put a big throw pillow under her feet so they touch something. I folded up a little blanket and propped it behind her head too, so she can stay upright better. She’s currently staring at the hanging animal toys with the music playing.

Not a ton has changed since last month, but she is definitely awake and alert more during the day. Certainly learning all about this new big world she’s in.

And since I know how much you fell in love with my comparison shots during my pregnancy with Lana, I’ve started one to keep track of her over the months. 1-2-3!

L mos

 i forgot to put the pillow behind her yesterday, but she sits propped up well enough now that she doesn’t really need it. and she was tired and getting cranky, so i didn’t change her into a white onesie for the sticker. i’ll try to get back to matching next month.

 

 

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We’re molting! And other news

I guess more accurately we’re shedding, but I liked molting better. But either way, the time has come for the postpartum shed to begin. Yuck! And this time it’s not just me, but Lana too. Her tiny little hairs are falling out all over the place, as are my foot-long ones. Again, yuck!

I don’t remember Della losing her hair at this point so much, but then again she had a fraction of the amount of hair that Lana does. Hers did fall out too, but maybe it just wasn’t so obvious since there was less of it. I just hope this doesn’t last for 3 months again, making me think my hairline is receding like it did last time, because I detest cleaning hair up from every surface of the house.

Let’s see, what else… Della and I actually did a craft project today! I know, stop the presses. Every so often they would send home their little placemats from daycare with a picture of the kid and other stickers and pictures and stuff on them. We have 2 past ones, and Ryan thought it needed updating. So that was our project for this morning. I think it turned out pretty well, if I do say so myself. She picked all the pictures out of a magazine, I cut them out and glued them on, then she adorned it with stickers.

mat

 And speaking of daycare, D’s going back! Well, just 1 day a week, but I think she’ll love it. She still talks about 3 of her friends from there all the time, and I always feel bad when she does, thinking, well don’t get your hopes up because you’ll probably never see them again. I actually did ask the daycare director if they’re still there, and all but 1 of them are.

So we’re starting this Wednesday. Ryan will either drop her off and pick her up on his way home from work, or I’ll keep the car that day and play taxi. I really think she’ll enjoy being back with all the other kids, I’ll get a day to focus only on Lana, we can do it on a drop in basis, and we already know we love the place. Win, win, win, win, win…

Also, get this. I applied for a job! It’s just a part-time front desk position at the gym where I train and used to belong, so it’s not like I’m setting out to make my fortune here. I knew a long time ago that if I ever lost my last job, I would be very hard-pressed to make 6 figures again unless I did that same thing. Which I don’t really think I want to right now. So why not do something more lighthearted and fun?

The other great thing about this job would be I could probably take the girls into the kid care room while I was there, plus I’d get a membership for free. Winning again! It would just be a couple hours in the weekday mornings, whichever days they have openings. I spoke with the guy in charge of the front desk staffing today, and he will be working on February’s schedule later this week, obviously filling openings with current staff first then going from there. So he said he’ll let me know later in the week one way or the other.

I also said I would volunteer if they have no paid openings right now, which would still get us out of the house and me a free membership. So hopefully something will pan out there. I think it’s kind of a long shot since I didn’t see any front desk part-time openings on their website, but you never know. I’ll keep you posted.

Sooo… I think that’s about it. Fortunately 2013 seems to be off to a good start, and I’m feeling much better about everything these days. I definitely feel much more found than lost right now, and I am so thankful for that.

 

 

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The first time of many, I’m sure

Yesterday we went to an annual family Christmas party, and it’s always a great time. Ryan has a really big family, so fun always ensues when everyone gets together. And this year was no different. Except for one thing…

There were 2 little girls there, one of whom was 6 and the other must have been the same age. They were running around together the whole time, having a blast. One of the girls literally wheeled in a suitcase full of toys when she and her family arrived, which she immediately proceeded to dump out on one of the couches.

Well of course Della saw that and made a bee-line for that mountain of dolls, cars, blankets, and other crap. I could tell the little girl was less than pleased that little D came creeping over to play, so I just made sure Della knew that those were not her toys and that she was sharing. All was well.

Later in the afternoon the girl who brought all the toys was running around with a blanket draped over her like a cape, which Della thought was fantastic. D was having the time of her life chasing after the caped girl and the other one; she probably ran a million laps around the place where the party was. I thought oh great, they’re having fun, that’ll keep D entertained for hours.

Well shortly after the blanket adventures began, I glanced over to where D and this girl were, and the girl was chiding D and wagging her finger in D’s face while wearing a very stern expression. Della was sitting on the floor in front of the girl, and the look on her face just made my heart break. It was a mixture of sadness, confusion, and disappointment that this girl with whom she’d been having so much fun was telling her she couldn’t play anymore.

I was so mad. I completely understand that 6 year olds rarely want to play with 2 year olds, but Della was completely harmless. These girls were running around like banshees anyway, so what did they care that D was following them? She couldn’t even keep up with the circles they were all running anyway. Della’s little head would come bobbing around the corner a good half lap behind the other two each time. I just kept thinking how dare she point her finger in my daughter’s face like she’s the boss? As ludicrous as it sounds, I was royally pissed.

After I saw that I couldn’t keep my eyes off the trio. I became obsessed with making sure Della didn’t get her beautiful little spirit crushed again. I kept seeing the pair of older girls go up to Della, then run away, teasing her into chasing them like they wanted her to play. But then they’d go into the bathroom and hide from her.

At one point they happened to walk up next to where I was standing holding Lana, and I heard them saying something about “oh no, there she is” and having to get away from the little girl. I told them to just leave Della alone because she’s only 2 and just wanted to play with them.

Then one time when I went into the bathroom to wash out a water bottle, Della was in there crawling on the floor trying to get under one of the stall doors because the girls were hiding in it. I about barfed seeing her crawl on the bathroom floor, so while washing her hands I made some comment to D like, “oh, are the girls in there?” She said yes and I could hear them giggling, and I said I thought they were hiding from her. She of course didn’t understand what that meant, so I asked them why they were hiding. They said they were hiding from the boys and Della, and I said well Della just wants to play with you guys because she likes you. They said “I know” in unison and just kind of laughed.

I don’t know if my prodding helped, or if they just decided to give up trying to “get away from that little girl”, but from that point on it seemed like they actually didn’t mind having D run around with them as much. At one point the 3 of them were actually sitting on the hearth of the fireplace together, looking at some toy. And of course D wanted to run around the rest of the time with one of her new blankets tied around herself like the other girl had been. Ok fine, if it makes my baby girl happy.

Now before you yell at me for being a crazy, overprotective parent, yes, I know Della had no idea that the girls weren’t playing with her but were trying to get away from her most of the time. She was just thrilled to be seeing other kids and running around. And she probably had no idea what the one girl was even talking about when she had her finger in D’s face. But I did. And I just couldn’t help feeling crushed.

Della and Lana are little pieces of my heart and soul running around outside my body now, and I will always try to protect them. Especially when they’re this young. So knowing that someone was purposely trying to quash Della’s innocent little sparkle and make her have a bad time just killed me. I seriously wanted to cry when I saw D sitting there on the floor, just wanting to play, and having that poor little look on her face while getting pointed at and scolded by a 6 year old little brat. I wanted to simultaneously scoop her up and smother her in hugs and slap the other girl for not including my daughter. (of course not for real slap, geez)

This little episode got me thinking, though. If I feel this bad when my girls get little hurts like this (i should say nonexistent really, since between me and d i was the only one who knew what was going on), what am I going to do when they go through the inevitable big hurts? I won’t always be there monitoring the situations and making sure everyone lets them play.

My greatest wish as a parent is that Ryan and I instill in our children the senses of confidence and compassion and knowing right from wrong. And more than simply knowing right from wrong, having the strength and self-confidence to act right instead of wrong, especially when wrong is the far easier choice. So hopefully when the big hurts come, as I know they unfortunately will, our girls will be able to navigate through them and come out on the other sides relatively unscathed and stronger.

This protecting my heart and soul when it now has its own legs and runs circles around me… Does it ever get any easier?

D

how could you not want to play with this one?

 

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Out with the old, in with the new

First off, thank you all SO MUCH for your amazingly kind words on my Lost post. Knowing that I’m not alone or entirely crazy is a tremendous help.

Secondly, I know New Year’s was a few days ago, but that’s ok. I still want to wish you all a happy, safe, prosperous, and peaceful 2013. May each year get better than the last…

NYE