Ramblings of a pregnant girl

Because that’s pretty much how my mind’s working these days, and yes, I still call/think of myself as a girl, even at age 33. Moving on…

So I REALLY can’t believe that Della won’t be my only child in what could be a matter of days. Yes, this pregnancy was planned and not a surprise, but I guess it never dawned on me how much I was going to miss having just her little self running around. I just hope I can be a good mom to both of them when Dv2.0 gets here. I know a newborn needs a lot of time and attention, but there’s no way I’m going to ignore anything about D. I just hope I can handle it.

This time being home with her and not working has been so much more enjoyable than I expected, I can barely stand it. I absolutely love being everything for her all day, even though I’m sure there’s stuff she’s missing out on that they’d be doing at daycare. No, we haven’t done nearly as many art projects as I would have liked or arranged as many play dates or explored more books at the library, but I think she’s still learning and progressing as she should be. She says more and more words each day, she’s excited to see us when she wakes up every morning, she really has had zero major meltdowns, and she’s just so happy. That’s most important and a good sign, right?

It honestly gives me anxiety now when I have to think about going back to work at some point next year. I have been able to do some editing/proofreading work since my job ended this summer which definitely helps to tack onto my severance bundle, and it’s something I would love to continue year-round as a work-at-home gig. Whether or not I could actually build up enough of it to really count as even a part-time second income is the wrench in the plan. I bet I could, but I think I would need 1-2 days of daycare each week back to get big chunks of work done. Especially with 2 kids at home, I’m not sure how well it would work trying to get multiple hours of editing in each day and juggle their demands at the same time.

Speaking of 2 kids, where are the Cliffs notes for how to do that? Before I knew I would be jobless when Dv2.0 came, it was easy – D would be in daycare during the days still, so I could focus all attention on the baby for a couple months. Then when I went back to work they’d both be going to the same place. Simple as pie. Now, I have no idea how I’m going to survive after that first week when I’m home alone with both. D is such a great kid I really don’t think she’ll have a total attitude reversal and turn into a pint-sized terror, but who knows. I just hope the baby is as great and calm as she was. If we get a colicky kid on our hands this time, I may not be so composed as I was with D as a newborn.

I hope D adjusts well to Ryan doing more stuff with/for her when the baby comes, stuff that I mainly do now, simply because I’m here all day with her. Like right now she doesn’t want him to read her bedtime stories anymore, just me. Which is weird, since she’s always loved having both of us do it. I think it may have something to do with the fact that she now likes to pull up my shirt and put her head on my belly when we rock before she goes to sleep so she can be with the baby, but I could be totally wrong. It is super cute, though, how she does that. She always says, “me baby” and just rests her head down there with her arms at my sides. I about die. I hope it’s a good sign that she’ll actually be excited to see and know the baby when he/she arrives instead of feeling any sort of jealousy or resentment.

Like I mentioned in my weekly pregnancy post on Friday, I am now done with my pre-baby to-do list, and that elates me. I have really been worried that we’re just going to be totally unprepared when this kid comes for some reason, but having all the stuff crossed off that bad boy eases my worries a lot. The crib is clean and set up and D’s in her big bed well; the car seat is washed and ready to be installed; we have a bassinet again; the newborn clothes are washed and put away; the newborn diapers are stocked; etc., etc. Now I’m just willing that kid to stay put for a couple more weeks, and we’ll be golden. I just need to remember to keep cherishing these days with just D while I can.

I’m planning to make a couple batches of meals to freeze this week, just another thing to get ready for a house with a newborn again. Lasagna, spaghetti bake, another chicken casserole-type dish. You know, some staples. This is definitely not something I even thought about when D was born, but I figured that since I’m home and should have the time, it’s something I should do, right? How did I get all this stuff accomplished when I was pregnant with D and working full-time? I guess it was a little easier back then because there wasn’t already another kid in the house, but this time should be easier too since we already have all the baby essentials from her.

Hmm… (it’s funny because D now imitates me saying “hmm” all the time, complete with her little finger tapping on her pursed lips) I guess that’s about it for now. The new-baby nerves are in full effect, so it feels good to just get some of this random stuff out of my head. I think the thing making me most nervous this time around is the logistics of it all – when will labor start, what will we do with D if it happens suddenly in the middle of the night (since my water didn’t break last time i don’t know what will happen if it does this time), will she be ok with me having to stay in the hospital a couple nights while she goes home with Daddy, will my mom be able to get up here in time to watch D while we go to the hospital if things do progress during the day again? See, stuff like that. But I know it’ll all work out in the end and we’ll end up a new family of 4.

Wow.