One of my sisters sent me an excellent article written by Pamela Druckerman for the Wall Street Journal online the other day, and I couldn’t help but immediately want to share it. The full article can be found here. It is pretty lengthy, so I’ll do my best to break it down for you.
The basic gist of it is that French parents have mastered parenting, if you will, with an ease and calm that their American counterparts can often only dream of employing.
Say what? I know.
But before you start throwing freedom fries at me, let me explain the rest of what the article imparts. I think by the end you’ll agree with me that we American parents could actually stand to take a few notes from our cohorts français.
Those of you with children, think for a moment…
Who of us hasn’t
- Left behind a sea of shredded napkins and salt packets after a meal at a restaurant?
- Chased a boisterous toddler incessantly around a table/room/floor/building/yard in the hopes of wearing him/her out or simply as a form of entertainment? (i don’t know about you, but rampant toddler-chasing doesn’t rank highly on my list of fun)
- Lugged around every toy or game imaginable with which to bribe said toddler when needed in exchange for peace and/or good behavior?
- Given up on saying “No” and just given in to a child’s demands before your sanity was utterly and permanently shattered?
Now, who in the crowd doesn’t want
- Respectful children who mind their parents from the 1st request, not the 100th?
- Children who can entertain themselves happily without constant attention?
- To not have to lose their voice shouting for obedience from their offspring?
So what does Ms. Druckerman suggest we do? I’m so glad you asked. Let’s begin with a little comparison though, again, from the article above.
What French parents are doing:
- Being involved with their families without being obsessive. Good parents aren’t at the constant beck and call of their kids, but instilling patience and a sense of delayed gratitude in them.
- Stimulating their kids, but not 24 hours a day.
- Not suffocating children with a million lessons here and play dates there, but instead letting toddlers do just that – toddle.
- Setting rigid, unwavering boundaries, but entrusting their children with independence and freedom within those boundaries.
What American parents are doing:
- Hyperparenting, helicopter parenting, overparenting, “kindergarchy” – basically all up in their kids’ faces all the time.
- Not being firm and consistent in teaching kids “No”. As such, their children are accustomed to, and usually demand, instant gratification – running around wherever/whenever they want, snacking all day instead of waiting for meal times, generally displaying a “whatever” mentality when it comes to obeying their parents.
- Allowing their kids to be attention mongers and basically running the show.
Now let me make crystal clear – this obviously is not meant to apply to every single French parent and every single American parent. No, absolutely not. Nor am I implying that it does.
I know there are countless outstanding parents building strong, wholesome families around here, and I’m sure there are just as many shitty French parents who have no idea the meaning of the word. But just from personal experience, I have witnessed enough examples of the American parenting style focused on in this article to agree that this argument does hold some weight.
Ok, so now what do we do about this?
Isn’t that the million dollar question. But fortunately, the suggested answers seem pretty reasonable and downright easy to me:
- Be stern in your commands to your children. Don’t shout and yell at them, but be convincing and authoritative in your tone.
- Be consistent. Don’t give up right away when your child says “no” and runs away. You’re the parent – they can learn that.
- And I think the best advice actually came from my sister herself: “Though I was a quasi-mother for all of three weeks or so, it showed me good reason why parents need to be stern, strong, and straight forward from the get go, all the while still being loving, caring, and comforting.”
Well said, A, well said. I think all parents can agree that those are some good words by which to live.
And no, I don’t want my kids to be French. I just want them to be happy and well-behaved. After reading this article, that really doesn’t sound like much to ask at all.