The air up here

For those of you who don’t know me irl, I’m tall. Some would even say really tall. I’m 5′ 11.5″, so just a shade under 6′. And I love it. I wouldn’t trade being tall for being short for anything. I can reach stuff easily, I don’t have to stand on a chair to get something from the back/top of cabinets, I can quickly scan most crowds when necessary, I can hold stuff out of my toddler’s reach with incredible ease, and it’s just less crowded up here.

Buying pants sucks, though, as I have a pretty normal-sized torso with really long legs. Tops can get tricky as well, as I have to find length to cover my pterodactyl-like wingspan while not ending up with enough material in the body to look like a tent.

However, there is 1 thing that has always bothered me about being an above-average height. And that is the incredibly common exclamation, often from complete strangers, of, “You’re so TALL!!”

Um, no shit. This is undoubtedly the first thing people notice when they see me, so why do you feel the need to proclaim it like you’re having an epiphany? And I’ve never been able to figure out what people expect me to respond when they say that. “What? I am??” Or maybe, “For serious??” What about, “Get out!” (with a corresponding shove to the chest like elaine did in that one seinfeld episode) I have never once responded, “Thank you,” because is it really a compliment? Am I supposed to be flattered at your incredulity when you stare at me with your mouth agape and comment on the utter obviousness that is my height?

You have no idea how many times I’ve gotten that comment, either. It’s probably verging on a million by now. It’s like some people have never seen tall humans before. Like I came straight out of the zoo or circus and just appeared in front of them. I didn’t think being tall was such an oddity, but to some I’m quite the side show attraction. This was pretty funny, though – one Halloween a few years ago we were at one of the bars downtown and someone gave me a card to join the Milwaukee Tall Club, or something like that. No joke. That really does exist. And this guy had a good foot on me, so the number of times he’s been gawked at has to put mine to shame.

These comments don’t make me mad really, just more annoyed. Like that’s just a dumb thing to say. And why do people think that’s a normal thing to say? I’ve never felt the urge to walk up to someone and comment on their height. But maybe that makes me the weird one? Maybe next time I’ll just respond with, “No, you’re just really short.”