Let me start off on a tangent here for a second. Yesterday I had to get 3 fillings at the dentist to seal some sensitive areas at my gumline. Hey, at least they weren’t cavities. Yeah, whatever, they were still fillings and involved drilling. Fun. So anyway, why do dentists try to make small talk as they’re preparing you for this oral nightmare? I mean really – I’m sitting in the chair, one quarter of my face is numb from the giant Novocaine shots, I can’t move my lips properly to actually form words anymore, and you want to know what my plans are for the rest of the summer? Come on. I’m trying to psyche myself up for the fact that you’re about to drill holes. In my head. Let’s cut the chitter chatter and get this over with. Now don’t get me wrong, I really like my dentist’s office. The girls who work there are awesome, my dentist himself is really good, and if I’m just in for a routine cleaning? Fine, I’ll shoot the shit all day long. But when I have to get needles and drills shoved into my mouth, please don’t waste any time and prolong the torture. Ok, that’s all. And now back to our regularly scheduled posting.
I knew there was a reason I don’t like to read the news that often. Take a look at some of these recent headlines. And they all appeared on the same front page of a national news website. I didn’t even have to do any scrolling or anything!
“Norway hunts answers after massacre”
“Landslide kills 32 in South Korea”
“Gulf storm could become cyclone”
“U.S. Olympic skier kills himself”
“Why was skeleton in bank chimney?”
“Amy Winehouse’s final days”
“Teen bride talks sex with husband, 51”
“Actress: I got compliments for looking emaciated”
And over here we have some lovely ones from a local news site:
“One acquittal, one conviction for man in execution-style murders”
“City records fifth unsafe sleeping death of infant”
“Suspects in custody after armed robbery, exchange of gunfire with Milwaukee Police”
“Sheboygan teen charged with assaulting 7-year-old” (ok, well, that is from sheboygan)
“1 dead, 1 missing after boat accident in Minnesota”
And my personal favorite:
“Woman sues man for her herpes, seeks $350,000”
No, I promise I did not make that last one up either. I can send you the link if you really want it. But seriously, what a grim state of affairs in which to be living. Not to mention all the debt ceiling bullshit that’s going on in Washington right now too. Where’s the good news? Is there even any to report? Is there nothing out there to uplift our spirits, or are we stuck with political battles, natural disasters, death, and STDs?
Maybe we can just hightail it outta here and set up shop somewhere new. One of the outer planets, maybe? Who’s in? I’ve got an aerobed and a bag of marshmallows for roasting. Jumbo size ones, too!
i’m in. i need a break from “reality”.
Sweet! I’ll start loading up the cooler. 🙂