Day: April 7, 2011

It seems most times I’m in the car there is at least one person to whom I’d love to shout, “You $#%! moron!” Seriously. Not a full-fledged road rage episode or anything, just a little “ragette”, if you will, to point out their lack of motor vehicle operating skills. I constantly ask R how people learn to drive up here. It’s like the driver’s ed teachers just put kids in a car, slam the door, and shout, “Away you go!” Some people have zero concept of the rules of the road. And merging? Oh forget it. I swear to god merging is not in the driver’s ed lesson plans in the state of Wisconsin. There is one on-ramp to a major highway near our house in particular that is especially terrible. 3 lanes merge into 2 just past the ramp, so essentially you have 4 lanes merging down to 2 if you include the on-ramp lane that joins the mix. People NEVER do it right. They zoom past the gigantic line of cars already on the highway using the on-ramp and 3rd lanes, then cut everyone off right at the last second when they run out of lane. I HATE that! That is NOT how you merge, you f’n idiots. This pisses R off to no end too. I’m always tempted to ride the line on the lane on that side so people can’t get around me and have to get in the line of traffic like everyone else. Too bad I rarely get the balls to actually do it. 😛

Now I’m not a perfect driver, but I do consider myself a good driver. Yes, I tend to be a little on the quick side, but I just like to get where I’m going. And I’m not an asshole about it either. I don’t tailgate (at least I try very hard not to. this is something i used to be really bad about doing, but have gotten much better since R felt the need to point it out CONSTANTLY), I don’t zip in and out of lanes cutting people off, I do know how to merge, I do obey traffic signals and signs, I do use my turn signals, and I am one hell of a wicked parallel parker. Ok, that last one doesn’t really apply to *driving* per se, but I thought I’d throw it in for good measure. 🙂 Don’t believe me? Just ask R – he’ll even admit I’m good at it, which is a rarity. He’s seen me squeeze into some spots that other people would drive away from too scared to even attempt.

This morning’s drive wasn’t too bad, but there was one choad in particular who really annoyed me. He pulled onto the on-ramp right ahead of us (not the one I was talking about earlier, though), and I noticed that the left rear of his SUV was totally low-riding it. Big Poppa must’ve been sitting back there, plus that tire was super low. He zipped into the carpool lane on the ramp and totally failed to obey the metered light signal – he took off when the lane next to him got the green light. Um, ok, whatever. Then a short way onto the highway, he decided he had to get right back off and completely cut off the car behind him to get to the exit, of course NOT using his signal. Ugh! I’m sorry, but even when the dumbass drivers aren’t affecting me personally, I still get mad at them. If you don’t know how to drive then get off the highway!!

The absolute worst road rage I’ve experienced came a few weeks ago, though. And actually, I wasn’t the one raging, it was R; but I was in the car and had I been driving I absolutely would have been fuming too (i was fuming, but i was just in the back seat for this one ;)). We were using the terrible on-ramp above, and the jerk in question actually tried to cut us off getting onto the ramp. Should’ve known something was up from the start with this one. Turns out it was an idiot chick on her cell phone. Wonderful, this should be fun. So we merged into traffic as soon as we were off the ramp, but whaddya know – she blew around us and flew farther up the lane that ends instead of merging like the rest of us. So when we finally got up to the point where her lane was ending, guess who was stuck up there, trying to get into the highway flow? Moron girl, surprise, surprise. R didn’t want to let her in, since we had been witnessing her idiocy that whole time and couldn’t stand it. I don’t blame him, and I probably would have done the exact same thing. Just keep nosing forward so she can’t get in front of me. But she didn’t take the hint and cut right in front of us anyway, literally coming within an inch of smashing into our front right side. WTF! Nice maneuver, bitch! So now R was pissed, as was I from the back seat (I was back there b/c D was really cranky that day so I was going to give her a bottle on the way to wherever we were going). Plus we were stuck right on her rear bumper, since she left us zero wiggle room with her jackass move. R honked when she did this and she proceeded to flip him off. Oo – bad move, you incensed the lion that is my husband. He honked again and flipped her off now; very mature, I know, but such is the beast of road rage. She obviously knew she cut us off and he was letting her know he was unhappy, but she just continued to yap on her phone and shoot us the bird from her rear view mirror.

Ok fine, typical road rage stuff, but then she did something unthinkable. She actually slammed on her brakes when we were inches behind her, knowing full well there was about a 99.9% chance that we were going to slam right into the back of her piece of shit mobile. WHAT?!?!?!! Who does that??! OMG. At this point I was ready to jump out the back window and ring her scrawny little neck. There is an infant in this car, you bitch, and you think it’s funny to try to cause an accident??! Where were you raised – HELL?! Oh you should’ve heard the words that were flying around our car at this point. Poor D – I hope she doesn’t understand that colorful language right now. 😉 I seriously was flabbergasted that this little shit would do such a thing on a jam-packed rush hour highway. Did she honestly think the accident would have been found to be our fault? She was the one slamming on her brakes with the intent of making us crash into her! I have no idea how we managed to avoid a collision, but thank god we did. And of course the middle finger-flipping and curse word-shouting contest continued until we were fully separated once traffic dispersed. But man oh man, was our blood boiling for miles after that one. I was amazed at the audacity of that piece of trash to do such a thing – that was something I had never witnessed first-hand before and hope never to again. Especially since she was endangering D. Me and R, who cares. We can handle ourselves. But D?? She’s an innocent, helpless baby, you low-lifed whore! (sorry, can you tell this one still riles me up?)

License plate 414 NNC – you are the most despicable, disgusting driver I have ever seen, and if I ever see you stranded on the side of the road, I will NOT be stopping to help. I may be struck by lightning for being such a Bad Samaritan, but when you endanger me and my family, may God have mercy on your soul if I ever get my hands on you.